Fracturing

All you Aspies out there will likely identify with how difficult some transitions are.

Personally, Mondays are difficult for me as I am a missionary on the weekend, and now I'm an employee Monday and it's hard to adjust to the change. I spend a great deal of time on preparation to leave the country as a missionary.

I remember one evening in particular that was fairly stressful. I could feel my personality decouple from the me, and fracture into about five archetypal persons. Sounds strange. It was very visual in my mind and intense.

It's not the Multiple Personality thing, because they didn't talk (to me or through me). They were vivid images of myself. One a weeping child, one an angry teen, one a failed adult, and one ..... I can't remember the other one. It was very disturbing since I felt separate from each.

I believe it's called depersonalization. I just had to try and relax. My wife listened as I talked through my "feelings" and about a day later I am mostly re-packaged into a single image of my person.

I continue to reduce the drugs that I take, and one big help (besides diet) is accepting that I am this way, and being patient with myself. Prayer and my relationship with Jesus Christ hold me together and help me stay focused, and my wife is such a team-mate. I can trust her with myself, and that is such a gift.

Adam

A Cure For Asperger

I met some one who after testing discovered that her children had many times the mercury in their system than what is healthy. The testing took place at a reputable medical facility and the chelation therapy to remove the mercury is being done by credentialed clinicians. This course of treatment may bring about great relief for the children and perhaps lessen some of the more troubling symptoms of autism. If nothing else, mercury is a dangerous heavy metal that can do real damage to a persons health.

I also read of a similar, but tragic, example of a parent who heard about chelation therapy as a way to cure autism. This parent's child died as a result of chelation therapy which can be dangerous if not administered correctly.

Now, since this is my blog, is when I wade in with my strongly held opinion. Never try to cure Autism or Asperger. Instead work toward helping your child grow into being a healthy person who has a purpose and direction in life.

I encourage every parent of a child who is in the Autism spectrum to get a blood test that would determine food intolerance, and a blood test that would determine mercury levels. Then, for the health of your child, deal with those issues that the tests identify.

If you find a Medical Doctor who is experienced in treating individuals in the Autism spectrum, investigate testing that would reveal vitamin difficiencies that often are present in people in the spectrum. Or discuss enzym therapy that will aid in the body absorbing key nutrients more effectively.

I hear of parents who throw money at Autism by buying into every suggestion immediately. They are desparate for the magic button that will fix their child. Parents, grow up. Your child is a freak. They will be weird no matter what you do.

Actually, if you spend all that time and energy trying to everything to fix your kid, they really will become some kind of lab rat. Instead, take a breather, and set aside time to enjoy life and enjoy the child that God has given you. Teach your children to enjoy who they are even while they enage life long learning and continually strive to improve who they are.

Isn't that a better way to live?

Adam
P.S. Don't be offended that I said your kid is a freak. I'm a freak, nerd, weirdo, whatever you want to call me. I've been called all of that and more. Those voices have lived in my head since high school and I'm only now learning how to come to terms with them. With my children (both Aspies), I have actively taught them that they are Aspie. I've also taught them to celebrate who they are and to work at growing beyond who they are. Besides that, the normal people may get to be the star athlete or cheerleader in highschool, but the freeks get to grow up and be Bill Gates, Albert Einsein, Ludwig Van Beethoven, or James Taylor. I'ld rather be a freek.

For more on famouse fictional and non-fictional individuals with Autistic like characteristics go to http://www.geocities.com/richardg_uk/famousac.html

Too Many Voices

My wife and I took my daughter to a recital event at Western Michigan University's Dalton Center. It brought back vaugly uneasy memories from my one semester there. I couldn't place why. I've been back there for other events on occassion since my one semester as a student some 13 years ago.

We took Maryellen to the practice rooms, and then it finally hit me. The supposed sound proof practice rooms emitted numerous light melodies. I sat in the hall waiting for Maryellen to be done warming up, and then I couldn't take it any more.

They aren't just sounds. Music speaks to me. Isn't it supposed to? Furthermore, as an Aspie, I look for the pattern and without trying begin trying to identify what it is and what it means. With multiple sounds clamoring in my brain, it's like being attacked by an army of monsters all clawing for my attention.

I excused myself and left Maryellen in the care of my wife.

I remember when I was at Western as a student practicing my voice there that the cacophany of music agitated me so that I threw a music stand against a wall.

I need to remember to carry my earplugs with me all the time.

Adam

My Trials and Tribulations

This is when Asperger seems really stupid. Maybe its not Asperger, maybe I'm just weird or something, but I hate flossing my teeth. It's quite disturbing to thrust a small rope between my teeth. I used to wrap the floss around my fingers so that I could hold on to it, and that was bothersome as well.

I started using one of these flossing things that has a handle, but I got stubborn and refused to do any more flossing. Last night I finally started flossing again. Ofcourse my gums bleed. That realy was not positive reinforcement, butI'm going to try and keep it up.

Flossing just doesn't feel right.

Adam

The Autistic Therapist

The attached video profiles a therapist who has had success treating Autistic children. The therapist herself is Autistic. It's interesting.

Adam

Stealling My Words Away

Words are friends. I love books. I love words. When people talk to me, I often can see the words they are saying. I have to work at not commenting on small nuances of what they are saying. I hear them speak and hear the letters or phonemes they are mispronouncing or omitting from the dialect.

With all of that, it is often quite difficult to wright a document or post to the blog. I almost feel violated after I'm done. It's like I gave away something that was mine or showed to something naked.

There are times when I write that when I'm done, I can't figure out how I wrote it. The same is true for painting. I finish a painting, I like it, then I think, "I couldn't have done that. How did I actually do that."

I believe that is because in order to be creative I must tap into a part of my brain that is not as structured or orderly. Then once I've created something, I can't seem to retrace well defined steps for how I got there.

At work I agree to write documents that conceptually I know I can write, but the document itself scares me. I think, how can I do that? Do I really know how to do that? I probe around in my head for clear evidence that I know how to do it, but it's creative I guess, so I can't see it.

This is weird, and I don't understand it.

Adam

Moving Beyond

It's interesting, I feel like I'm moving past Asperger Syndrome.

I'm not saying that I've cured it, but that I'm comming to accept myself as me. I'm accepting my Asperger generated atributes as just who I am, and that's o.k.

I still think about Asperger a lot, and am still comming to terms with it, but it defines who I am less and less. My faith and values are becoming a greater defining characteristic for me than my limitations.

It's a curious, but enjoyable process.

Adam

Just Sleap On It

Last week, Marge and I presented our mission work to two groups in Kalamazoo, and spent the weekend in Detroit doing the same.

Monday, I had some difficulty knowing what to do with myself. I just felt out of phase with whatever my schedule should be. I purposely didn't do anything productive. I took a nap, read some comic books that my son got from the library, and went to bed early. Actually, the whole family turned in early.

I feel a little more on keel today.

There is value, for anyone, but especially for Aspies, to know when it's just time to do nothing, and then go to bed. Down time is critical to adjusting to a changing or active schedule. While in Detroit, Sunday morning, I got up earlier than I needed to so that I could stretch and then have a time of quiet Bible reading/study. That was so helpful. While driving to and from Detroit, there were times when I just didn't talk at all. My son read quietly and Marge napped. I listened to music or talk radio.

So, even when your schedule is very active, you can build in quiet down time activities that help you stay "in frame". Otherwise, we start feeling overloaded, and we can start feeling disassociated from ourselves.

I call it "out of the frame". Sometimes I feel like I'm there, but not part of where I am. Like I'm in a movie, but just got bumped out of the "frame" of the picture. I think that it is do to an overload in the part of our brains that does the emotional processing. We need more time to integrate what things mean and where they fit in our frame of reference.

Take the time that you need. It's so easy as an adult to feel compelled to be "productive", but often the best thing to do is to do nothing. Go for a walk, a swim, paint a picture. Some people love to golf, because it helps them refocus. Look for the thing that helps you and commit regular time to it. Make it a priority.

Being stressed out can hurt your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

Adam

Gun fights, and sword fights Part II

The is an article the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry profiling the violent behavior of a 20 Aspie guy toward his girlfriend. Below is the abstract:

----------------
Asperger's Syndrome is assumed to be closely related to autism. A case of a 21-yr-old man with Asperger's Syndrome who is frequently violent to his 71-yr-old girlfriend is presented. According to a social-cognitive model of autism, this man is predicted to be markedly impoverished in his appreciation of his victim's thoughts and feelings. Interview-based assessments confirm this deficit, and this is discussed as an important factor in the maintenance of his violence.
-----------------

That has to be a misprint. Right? 50 years seems to be a stretch for a romantic relationship.

Then I went to WrongPlanet.com and found a series of posts. Some one asked the question, "Did you ever do anything particularly violent as a child?" Well, there were a string of responses. The common thread used to be an almost clinical lack of empathy or feeling toward the "victim".

If I look back into my own youth and childhood I can see a few times when I did somethings without any thought for the feelings of others. During a game of tag with my nephews I was giving chase. It was one of those games where you had to capture members of the other team or something. We owned a small farm. I think that I was about 14 or 15 and my nephew was probably about 10. He was just a little faster than me. I was having a hard time gaining on him and just couldn't reach him. This all happened in seconds, but I reviewed my options, and realised that the best way to tag him was to make him stop. To do that I lunged forward and firmly stepped on his heal. He fell face forward onto the ground.

Immediately, I realised that doing such a thing, while practical, would engender the condemnation of him and those I cared about, so I told him I was sorry and that it was a mistake.

So, Aspie friends, what is the lesson you can learn from my mistakes? We have to live our lives on principal. That's why understanding what you believe about God, morals, etc (faith), and what is important (values) is so important. As an adult my urges must flow through my faith and values principal filter before I act them out. I am not always successful at this, but I am striving for it, because some one I care about deeply is pleased when I try my best.

I believe that some one is Jesus Christ. He is pleased when we try to emulate Him, and when we try to do what is right. I believe that He is pleased with us even when we try and fail. So, I've really been striving to live out my beliefs. It has made a marked difference in the way I live and the choices I make.

Adam

Gun fights, and sword fights Part I

A person who is an Aspie asked me if I ever think about violence.

When don't I? That sounds bad, doesn't it? In my opinion, we Aspies are "What If?" machines. What if some one jumped out of the bushes and tried to attack me? What if a gun man broke into my home and threatened my children?

Last Friday some guy jumped out of the bushes about two blocks from my home and snatched a girl. They found her later that day, but I don't believe that they have found the perpetrator. All I could think about that day is what if some one snatched my child? There where many scenarios in my head and none of them where kindly.

Our minds work in three dimensions, and in graphic detail. In a job, that can be an excellent asset as an Aspie mind can actually picture something happening and look for problems. I crashed on my bike once because the pavement was slick. I strained my wrist. So after that most of the time as I'm riding I was playing crash/fall scenarios over and over in my head.

The second time I crashed was by hitting a section of pavement that was under construction, but this time the scenario played back. I analyzed and executed and only got banged up a little. Later that summer, I accidentally ran straight into a curb, this time I executed an exaggerated curving roll into the crash and ended it up by jumping into a standing position.

The incessant what if scenarios in my head, helped me prepare for a crash and avoid getting hurt.

So, the "what if" thinking happens a lot. Sometimes it has to do with war fare and violence.

It can become an obsession, and it can get me down, but it can also be a tool.

Adam

Wine or Shine

I was riding my bike to work this morning. When the storm system go through, I get extra aches and pains. I have a mild case of Fibromialgia. I'm starting to wonder if that goes hand in hand with the Autism Spectrum.

Because of my over aroused sensory system when I was riding past a sprinkler system that was misting some ones lawn, each drop that shot at me hurt a little. Of course then it began to rain and I was just wet all over. The rain was nice and warm though.

I don't like being wet.

I shouldn't have to ride in the rain.

No one else I know has to ride in the rain.

Those were some of my thoughts. That's when I decided to do some serious self talk. You see, some of the people I admire accomplished great things for the societies around them with less resources than they needed and with obstacles and difficulties at the same time. The didn't wine about it (at least not in the books they wrote).

Instead their attitudes and actions made them stand out from the crowd. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was imprisoned in 1943 because he helped fund the escape of Jews from Germany. He was executed in 1945 after he was traced back to a plot to overthrow Hitler. Bonhoeffer never let his circumstances define who he was, and he took solace in the truth that true freedom (i.e. inner freedom that comes from trusting Christ) can never be taken. Inner freedom can not be taken away by other people or even by death. He decided to SHINE instead of WINE.

He must of had bad days, painful days, days when he had nothing good to say to anyone. Everyone has those days. Don't you think there were days when he was mad at God for his circumstances? Those, however, where the exceptions. The general flow and direction of his life was to affirm and act upon the basis of His Christian principals and inner freedom.

I have other heros that I could write about later. I have to admit, I have yet to read any of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's books. I know the basic outline of his life and some of his most famous quotes. Initially I've been afraid to read his books, because I think they will force me to a new level of living. A level at which I want to live. Changing levels is always painful.

Now, with missions prep, I have limited time for reading since I have quite a bit of assigned reading. You'll know if I'm reading one of his books or a book about him. His best known work is "The Cost of Discipleship". You'll know if I'm reading it, because I'll have to tell you about it.

Anyway, back to shining.

Being wet is a temporary situation. So is everything in life, including life itself. It is our soul/spirit that is eternal. Eternity is huge in comparison to the hundred or so years we will live in this life, so even the worst trial in this life can be considered a momentary affliction when placed in view of eternity.

So, my fellow Aspies, what areas can we learn to endure and move on. How often are we trapped by our condition, unwilling to extend into areas of discomfort. Maybe it's time we strive against the odds and against our circumstances and push past into areas that make us uncomfortable. I think it's time that we try that thing that scares us. Or try a little bit of it.

And while we are trying it look for better and more effective ways to deal with the stress, but don't run from the stress of trying new and uncomfortable things. Endure and move forward in life, since the pain is only a momentary reality.

Adam

Aspies Inc. Blog

I want to find out more about my readers, by using a series of polls. Look on the side panel of this blog for the first one. These will be simple anonymous polls, that will give me an idea of how often readers are checking for new content, and what other kinds of events or information will be helpful to you.

As always if you have questions or comments, click on the comments link at the end of any of the posts. I get an e-mail whenever a comment is posted and will post a response either in that same comment section or within the body of another post.

I want to make sure this blog is useful to those that are reading it, so my first poll is intended to find out how often readers check in to look for new posts. In the past I've thought about locating other writers so that there is more posts and greater variety. I keep a journal too, becuase writing helps me keep my emotional and intelectual sense of balance. Well, one day I just started writing a fictional story that contained elements of my life in it. It allowed me to document thoughts and reactions that I've had to life without trying to acurately record real events. It also lets me interact with my thoughts and feelings in a creative way.

I wrote one chapter and then misplaced my journal. My wife found my journal in a suitcase so when I have some freetime, the next chapter is in my head. I'm wondering if I should try my story out on you'll here in this blog or just start it up in a different blog. It's the type of thing for which I might go three months without any posts and then post something 10 days in a row.

It might be more interesting to have two or three other Aspies writing here in this blog. Multiple perspectives may generate a more useful blog.

Anyway, as you are reading this post, please help me by completing the poll on the right side of the screen. Also post any comments or suggestions to the blog. If it doesn't make sense how to do that, please feel free to e-mail me at adam@parmenterclan.com.

I want to make Aspies, Inc as useful as possible.

Adam

What should I say?

There are so many times, when not talking (i.e. holding my tongue) is best for everybody. I was in a meeting at work and a coworker kept interrupting me. This individual dominated the meeting. Any question asked the answer came from this person. Every time I tried to ask a question or make a comment, I got cut off. This individual has handed in a resignation, and will be leaving in about a week. It's said that quite a few people were happy this person resigned.

I kept reminding myself that God made this person and I therefore must treat this individual with value and respect. I could not determine how it could benefit anyone or anything other than to let of some irritation. So I held my tongue. I didn't say all the stuff that I could have justifiably said.

In the end this person would have written me off as inferior, and would have moved on, but I would have been viewed as a hot-head.

What is the lesson for Aspies. Let everything you say be carefully considered before you speak. Be certain that you are speaking for the benefit of others or to enjoy a relational conversation. If what you are saying is spoken in anger, retribution, or just because you have the information in your head, keep it to yourself.

I'm not always successful, but that's what I did today.

Adam

Thimerisol and President Bush

"Bush Set To Veto HHS-Labor-Education Appropriations Bill Due To Provision To Remove Mercury From Infant Vaccines"

I didn't know that the flu vacine may contain Thimerisol. Click on the link above to read the entire article on the Bill the president is set to veto.

Also, take note that some flu vacines do not contain Thimerisol. Thimerisol is a mercury based preservative used in some vacines. A panel at the FDA found Thimerisol to be toxic in 1982. Some claim that Thimerisol is a contributing factor in Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Mercury may or may not have a link to ASD, but Mercury is just a bad thing to be putting into our bodies. This fall when you consider getting the flue vacine, ask your physician or health department what brand they use, and if it contains Thimerisol.

The following do NOT contain no mercury or Thimerisol:

Fluarix® from GlaxoSmithKline (contains no mercury)
FluMist® MedImmune (contains no mercury)
Fluzone® Sanofi Pasteur - *request mercury-free version. The Fluzone prefilled syringe contains no mercury, but the Fluzone 5ml vial contains mercury.

Fluvirin® is made by Novartis vacines and it seems to also be made by Chiron which, I think, is owned by Novartis. It's the largest selling vacine in the world. It contains some Thimerisol, but I'm not sure how much.

Adam

Aspie in Missions?

So, I'm sitting at the head quarters for Association of Baptists for World Evangelism (ABWE). We are in Candidate Seminar.

If we successfully complete this seminar, then we will be appointed as ABWE missionaries.

I won't get much opportunity to post to this blog until after 23-July. But in the mean time, you can check my missions blog at http://journey2missions.blogspot.com/

Autism Gene Breakthrough Hailed

Autism Gene Breakthrough Hailed

Click the link above for the full article.

"Chromosome 11 was identified as one of the culprits Scientists have found new autism genes by scanning the largest collection of families with multiple cases of autism ever assembled."

This is one more indication that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are hereditery and not caused by mercury or bad prenatal vitamins or some such. It does not indicate anything about people in the spectrum being extra sensative to environmental factors such as mercury, etc.

Experience and research already indicates that those of us in the spectrum have extra sensativities to diet, chemicals, smells, etc. So, it seems likely that our condition could be exaserbated, while not caused, by external factors. By the same token it seems likely that bothersome symptoms could be controlled by elimination or supplements.

Adam

Aspie Traveler Survival Kit - Ear Plugs

Ear Plugs

These are little foam plugs. You roll them in your fingers so that they become thin, insert them in your ears and they expand blocking out some, but not all of the sound around you.

They block out much but not all of the high and mid range frequencies of sound, and don't do much for the low frequencies. The very low frequencies are more felt than heard anyway.

I use the Hearos earplugs ($2 a pack) because they are flesh tone and less noticeable. When I travel I just carry a pair in my pocket and casually pop them in when I need them. There are times I'll just pop one in one ear. Anything to help filter out found that is becoming overwhelming.

I spoke with a coworker that purchased sound isolating headphones. For a $100 plus a pair, make sure that you really do your homework and don't just take Dr. Bose word for it. Apparently the BOSE headphones really block out sound and surround the ear nicely.

The question is when you travel do you need something to completely isolate all sound (if possible) or just to cut back. The foam earplugs block out sound, but I can still hear what people are saying, and even speak. Speaking is something of a challenge, because I can't be sure how loud I am. Turns out that when I have them in I talk more quietly.

Frankly, when I travel, even if things aren't loud, they and the sun glasses cut back on the amount of data to sort in my brain, and I often just leave them in the whole time I travel.

I do NOT recommend wearing them if you are driving the car. You need to be able to hear everything in order to drive a car safely.

Adam

Magnesium and B6 Supplements May Help

Well,

I've noticed that a Magnesium supplement seems to help me. I have no medical or clinical training, so I wasn't sure if what I was experiencing was legitimate or just the placebo effect.

I recently was able to find some research that would indicate that I'm on the right track.

Click this link for the full article.

Give it a read. It's a little hard to understand all of it, but it's good to give it a try. Curious if anyone has had any experience or found any science to back up or explain the clain that Magnesium and B6 is helpful for Aspies?

Adam

That was interesting. . .

Well, this morning I packed up my hand outs and things that I wanted to show, hoisted a 15 pound backpack, and rode my bicycle to work. After work I got on my bike and rode to the D&W for the Aspies Inc Coffee, arriving 30 min. early. I hunted around for what looked like a meeting room, and then went to the service desk. I was told that it wasn't really a meeting room, it was just an open area on the second floor with tables and chairs.

So, I got myself set up and then sat there. Luckily I had all the supplies from my Aspie Traveler Survival Kit to help me pass the time. I had the hand outs set out on the table in hopes that it would make me a little more obvious. At 7pm I walked down the stairs to see if anyone was sitting down there. At 7:40 I packed up, hoisted my back pack and pedaled for home.

I was disapointed and discouraged at first, but prayer has a way of easing those things. It's good not to be controlled by circumstances, and I was really starting to get worked up. So, gave it over to God and could feel the frustration sort of melt away.

So, in the process I got some great bike riding in too.

Adam

Aspies Inc - Coffee Club 20-June-2007

Join me on Wednesday 20-June-2007 from 7pm to 9pm at the D&W second story meeting room for an informal evening of conversation.

D&W Grocery Store (yes they actually have a meeting room)
525 Romence, Portage, MI
Phone 269-329-3202

The event is free. If you want coffee or snacks, there is a Starbucks kiosk in the store and, well, it's a grocery store, buy whatever you want to eat.

O.K. you Aspies, before you panic about having to chit chat, it aint like that.

Cool, I ryhmed.

I'm going to talk for about 15 min. I think I'll be bringing the Aspie Traveler Survival Kit to show everyone. Then we'll just have a guided discussion. What we discuss will depend on who is there. Some one might say, "Did you guys ever have to deal with bullies?". Maybe you have figured out a great way to deal with teasing, or some excellent way to relax when you are over stimmed.

This evening is openning to anyone in the spectrum from High Functioning Autism, to Asperger Syndrome to all you PDD NOS types. Parents and care givers who have questions about living life in the spectrum are also welcome, but the Aspies get to talk first (just kidding).

Ground Rules:

1. No put downs. You can question what some one says, but you can't say it is stupid (or anything like that).
2. No profanities.
3. Ask at least one question before you make a statement. Ask questions that will help you understand what some one is saying.
4. No sales. If you have something you are selling, save it for afterward. Talking about your business and trying to get us to buy your stuff, does not count as sharing or conversing.
5. Excercise the power of pass. If some one asks you a question, you don't have to answer it. This isn't school. Just say pass.
6. Be honest. Speak you mind.
7. While your speaking your mind, be careful to phrase your statements with kindness to others feelings.
8. The leader has the right to change the subject at any time.