Fracturing

All you Aspies out there will likely identify with how difficult some transitions are.

Personally, Mondays are difficult for me as I am a missionary on the weekend, and now I'm an employee Monday and it's hard to adjust to the change. I spend a great deal of time on preparation to leave the country as a missionary.

I remember one evening in particular that was fairly stressful. I could feel my personality decouple from the me, and fracture into about five archetypal persons. Sounds strange. It was very visual in my mind and intense.

It's not the Multiple Personality thing, because they didn't talk (to me or through me). They were vivid images of myself. One a weeping child, one an angry teen, one a failed adult, and one ..... I can't remember the other one. It was very disturbing since I felt separate from each.

I believe it's called depersonalization. I just had to try and relax. My wife listened as I talked through my "feelings" and about a day later I am mostly re-packaged into a single image of my person.

I continue to reduce the drugs that I take, and one big help (besides diet) is accepting that I am this way, and being patient with myself. Prayer and my relationship with Jesus Christ hold me together and help me stay focused, and my wife is such a team-mate. I can trust her with myself, and that is such a gift.

Adam