I did it! I went out to lunch!

My department participated in a personality profile exercise that was intended to expose how each of us interact and work along with our personality strengths. It has been helpful for me as I try to understand the others in my department and their actions.

I've been studying the report on me and beginning to realize that I don't do chit chat and I avoid social gatherings with people from work. I don't go out on the team lunches. I quit doing them partly to save money, and because so few people would show up. But since our department was merged with another, the team lunches usually include eight or more people.

I also realized that social interactions do help others with whom I work. Also, if I am planning on changing careers and being a missionary, most of my work will be social interactions, so I decided to go on the team lunch.

I'd forgotten what an auditory assault a restaurant at lunch time can be. Wow. There is so much talking that it sounds like the roar of a mighty ocean or a giant water fall. I really had to focus in on what people's words so that I could catch what they were saying. Fortunately I sat next to a man and women that each had teen or pre-teen children heavily involved with sports. Soccer to be exact. That made it easy to make open ended questions in my mouth (I know that's improper English, but that is how it starts in my brain). I listened and asked clarifying questions about as much as I talked.

I have a new goal. It is to become a better communicator. I think that I have always been approachable and, at least, middle school age kids feel comfortable telling me anything. Social "outsiders" tend to approach me more readily then others, but I want to be a warm and welcoming person to whom people can speak even while I maintain a measure of control commensurate to the situation.

I know this will take time and conscious effort, but I've seen people do it. People that you just wanted to talk to, because you know they would listen to what you had to say without mocking or judging. Yet, those same people would guide the conversation so that you didn't "spew" for an hour. An Aspie can get going and "vent" for hours, sometimes without really saying anything. It isn't necessarily helpful or productive.

At other times I've been in productive meetings in which an individual controlled conversation in such a way that everyone had their say without any one person monopolizing the time. That same person kept the conversation on task and the meeting on schedule. He also did it quietly and confidently. He never seemed to have to yell or compel. He just was the leader. Now, he was the "official" leader, but I bet in informal settings this individual portrays a similar sense of leadership.

Such skills will be of great benefit to those around me regardless of where I work.

O.K., so back to lunch. It was fun to hear about other people's children. I enjoy that. The food was good, but I like what I bring in better than restaurant at lunch, and I also like to sit quietly and think at lunch. Yet, those around me seemed to enjoy the experience as a normal part of life.

I think that it is a good thing to do.

Adam

What do I do for my child?

Here is a question from an anonymous reader:

"I have a 8 year old son who has apergers. I am trying to avoid any anxiety in school years. Please give me some advise on helping him through. You mentioned that Christian High School was your salvation. Why? I would appreciate any suggestions on making friendships, school easier. Thanks."

Here is my disclaimer: I am not a trained clinician. Everything in this blog is just the uninformed opinion of an Aspie guy from Kalamazoo, MI.

I'd like to focus on one specific part of your question: "I am trying to avoid any anxiety in school years."

Take a step back and ask yourself, what are the points that cause my child anxiety? What I think is that there are two core sources of anxiety:
1. Sensory integration / sensory defensiveness
2. Social/Emotional awareness

To me dealing with the sensory issues will bring about so much relief. I'm just learning about that and realising that I'm under so much stress, frustration, and revulsion from sensory input that most people have no trouble dealing with. I must be one tough dude to be distressed this much of the time and still be fairly well balanced.

For the Asperger/Autism person, the world is a chaos of sensory input and they need help feeling grounded and calm. I just started reading a book called Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World. So far I like it a lot, because the author is explaining what happens in the brain, and how (from a brain chemistry perspective) the exercises she recommends help.

I think that for an eight year old the most important thing is to get some Occupational Therapy (OT)services if you can afford it or insurance covers it. Ask the OT if he/she is familiar with a technique called the "Wilbarger Brushing Protocol". A brief explanation of the technique is at this link. I have not had experience with the technique, but would vouch that deep pressure has helped me.

I sleep under a heavy blanket, and if I could get away with it at work, a weighted vest would be nice. Bike riding, rocking back and forth to music, and stretching are also helpful.

I think that you should also give diet some serious consideration. I think my changes in diet have helped me in various ways. A good place to start in learning about diet is a dull book called Special Diets for Special Kids. My wife owns it, has read it twice, and refers to it with some regularity. There is a sequel to Special Diets for Special Kids, Two, but I don't know what is different about it.

All of the book titles in this blogs are links directly to the books at Amazon.com. If you can't afford to purchase books, check with your local library to see if they have a process for you to request books. The Kalamazoo library has bought all of the books that I have requested (five so far).

This is a place to start. Start there, and let me know how it is going, what you are learning, what works and what doesn't.

In the mean time, start establishing some clear routines for your child. He/she may take some comfort in that. Also, look for an interest or skill at which they can excel and enjoy. It not only helps them with managing emotions, but it will give them a vehicle with which to enter social situations. My son plays trumpet quite well, and it has helped him build relationships in band. My daughter like to run, do crafts, and art.

Don't drive your child, but encourage their passions, and let them excel in an area that appeals to them. Not much money? Look for grants. We got a grant to help pay for trumpet lessons.

Adam

Stranger Than Fiction

My wife and I were about 20 min. into Stranger Than Fiction (Will Farrell, Emma Thompson, Robert DeNiro), and I turned to Marge and said, "This guy is an Aspie!" He counted everything, timed his days, all these charts and visuals where in his head, his coworkers asked him math problems that he did quickly in his head, and He had no idea how to ask a woman out on a date.

He didn't display any self stimming or ritual behavior so I don't suppose he could completely qualify, but he did have the zero affectation and obvious lack of emotional intelligence. It was fun to watch.

For me the most fun was him talking out loud to the person narrating his life. I thought that was hysterical. The sad thing is that, like most movies, boy meets girl, boy has sex with girl (because they like each other), boy and girl fall in love. According to the movies, television and popular culture, that is what is normal.

I suppose it is normal, but it isn't healthy, and it's not the right thing to do. Humans were designed by God to be monogamous, and to mate for life. The damage done by our promiscuous society is evident around us. Sexually transmitted diseases are only one small, but not minor, consequence. The family as a unit of society has degraded, and as a result society has suffered.

On the contrary, men and women who wait until they are married are seen as prudish and mentally repressed (at least in movies). I have seen exactly the opposite over and over again. I've seen couple after couple who waited until marriage, and go on to live very happily.

So, what does this have to do with Asperger? Well as much as I enjoyed the movie, it's a shame that part of the main characters "salvation" included the immoral behavior. The movie displayed his inner moral strength. That was a key to the movie's plot. What made him odd (or possibly Aspie) also was the key to his quiet dedication to doing what was right.

The main character is an IRS auditor. One of his coworkers jokes about busting a tax payer for evasion. The main character on the other hand never uses bravado or condescends to those he investigates. He has a gentleness and quietness about him. The same thing that makes him odd, is also what makes him a good person. It's too bad that he couldn't have risen to a new level of moral purity and found romance and love while pursuing sexual purity.

Oh, that's right, sin sells movie tickets.

I forgot. How Aspie of me.

Adam

Finding My Voice

I've found my voice, I think. It's been developing for some time, and It's been integrating into who I am over the last three years or so, but maybe even in the last year, I've fully come into who I am.

What is voice? I'm sure there are text books and paper backs full of discussion. I've taken some English courses in which the text book spends several chapters discussing exactly what communication is. I always liked that, but almost found it a little silly that some one would have to explain it. I always thought, "Can't we just do it instead of reading about it?"

At the same time I used to feel a sense of derision when an individual would speak of "looking" for themselves or say "I'm trying to find myself". It just seemed like so much fluffy mumbo jumbo. Or I remember in the Seventies, the middle aged father of four that would suddenly buy a Corvette, start leaving his shirt unbuttoned and wear lots of medallions. I think that's when mid-life crisis was coined as a term. I remember thinking, in the old days people didn't go through mid-life crisis, because they were to busy trying to survive. I used to really be afraid of mid-life crisis, because I wanted to always be a kind and faithful husband.

Well this isn't a mid-life crisis. Thankfully, because I can't afford to purchase a Yugo let alone a Corvette. My wife faithfully drives me to work each day and picks me up each night until it's warm enough for me to ride back and forth to work on my bicycle. I also think I should take back all my negative thoughts about "finding yourself", because obviously in finding my voice, I have found the means to know myself, and as a consequence know God and others around me in far deeper, richer, and satisfying way.

So what is voice? Well, I'm writing this part first, and haven't read anybody else's work on the topic. This all started as me being engaged to speak at a church academy series, and the title was provided for me.

My personal definition of voice is this:
The ability to express in either concrete or symbolic terms one's inner person, namely one's emotions, big ideas, reactions to the world around, and closely held beliefs. I have effectively "found" my voice when I can express myself to you in a way that is meaningful to us both, and allows you to reflect back to me using your own voice.

It what people mean when they say some one is expressing themselves. They are taking part of their inner person and hading it over to an person so that the other person can receive it, handle it and reflect it back to them. It involves an interaction between two.

The interaction might not be face-to-face even, but might be through the printed page. I'm convinced though that voice must involve some kind of revelation of the inner person and be received by at least one other person. I suppose a diary is the beginnings of that.

Good thing this is a blog and not a book that you've just purchased from a bookstore as I imagine I'll be thrashing ideas about in her for a while. I hope you enjoy it. Please jump in with any comments that you may have.

Upcomming Topics

I sort of fell of the writing band wagon for a week.

Below are some ideas that are bouncing around in my head. Let me know if you have any questions, ideas or comments in general. Also, if you would like me to post your experiences or comments as a "guest" writer I would be willing to consider them. Please send them to adam@parmenterclan.com.

Here is what I'm going to try writing about next:

Movie: Stranger Than Fiction. This guy has to be an Aspie. Why can't they wait until they're married.

Finding My Voice part II or III or who knows

SCHOOL EXPERIENCES

• First Grade - How Was Your Trip? (The angry Mrs Clark, "Put him in special ed")
• Second Grade - Spelling backwards and the frost method
• Third Grade - Ms Paul - Pushing too hard on my pencil, failing advanced math because I was certain I would
• Fourth Grade - Mr. Obrian - I almost never completed a homework assignment
• Middle School - Becoming a loner, getting bullied for the first time
• Junior High - School is a special kind of hell
• Highschool - Grace Christian School. My salvation.
• College years - Lost and wandering

Monk

I've been watching the detective/situation comedy show "Monk". At first I didn't find it funny, because it seemed to fit my world too closely. Actually Monk also reminded me of an extreme example of my son.

O.K. me too.

The difference is that Monk does all his OCD stuff. I do it in my head. I notice little things, and choose to just let them go.

I used to think that I didn't have enough self control. Stuff like that makes me realise that I've got lots of it. I crave order and the world around me seems to be wildly chaotic. There times when I am quite peaceful, but often I other must impose order upon the world around me or simply live with the chaos.

We Aspies need to understand that because of the way we are designed, much of the world around us will be annoying or excruciating and that we can only fix some of it. If we can't make our environment suite our needs we need to employ our mind to overcome the need.

It's taken me a long time to figure out how to do that, and I'm not sure how to explain it yet. Part of it has to do with the sense of being separate from my body. I've heard other Aspies speak of their brains as if it were separate from themselves. I often have that sense. Often feel as if I am a passenger in my body. I think that sensation has a neurological component that is part of sensory integration disorder.

I have "leveraged" that sensation that the "me" part of Adam is separate from the "body/brain" part of Adam, and learned how to step away from my brain. I call it filtering. I remove me from the part of my brain that is in anguish. Sense it is at arms length, I can endure it. For extreme situations it takes a great deal of discipline and energy, and sometimes it doesn't work.

It's an important skill that has helped me survive and grow.

Adam

Adam

Crunch Attack!

I was sitting at work trying to stay focused when the person in an ajoining cubicle starting loudly crunching celery or something. They were loud open mouth crunching down onto the celery stalk. There is a rush of high frequency pulse that are the crunching of the celery. That sound also reflects off of the inside of the mouth like when you talk into a tin can, but it changes frequency and tone as the shape of the mouth changes. I didn't see the celery. I can only guess that is what it was.

It was like shooting needle like daggers through my brain and chest. I felt physical pain.

You know, I think since I went cold Turkey and cut out Gluten, Dairy, and a few other things I've been more alert. That's good. On the flips side my senses seem like they've cranked up a notch. I've also never heard any one crunch that loud. That was yesterday.

Today it was wheat crackers. The crunching wasn't so bad as the sound of some one eating wheat crackers with their mouth open. Accompanied by smacking sounds. I tried to endure, but I finally had to rush out of the building and find my hiding place. I sat down and put my head in my hands and rocked back and forth. Even after I was "over it" my chest still hurt. It was like being under attack.

I have a pair of earplugs that I wear when I mow the lawn, the cut the volume of a sound, but I used to wear earplugs when I was a furnace duct cleaner. I could wear the earplugs while the loud machinery was running and still carry on a conversation.

Sound isolating headphone are not covered by insurance.

When I got home it made me appreciate my wife even more. At her loudest she doesn't crunch and smack like that. I can never tell this other person that I'm appalled at his lack of manners. I'm just shocked that an educated individual would still eat with their mouth open.

Don't I sound like an Aspie. I feel it 100% today.

Read Light! Green Light!

I finally admitted to my wife recently that the color of traffic lights holds no special meaning for me. I know that it means STOP, but to me it's just red. If the red light had the word STOP in it that would make more sense. I've actually seen a traffic light (long time ago), that had the word STOP in small black letters printed on the lense. When the red lense lit up, it not only was red, it said STOP.

Most of the world sees that little red light as meaning STOP, but to me it's just a red light. Maybe I already said that. So, I have to remind myself "Red means STOP", when I come to a stop sign. It's usually second nature, but often enough I'll be talking to my wife while I'm driving, and she'll say, "It's red honey".

The other drivers in Michigan (and other parts of the U.S.) owe my wife a debt of gratitude I suppose. I don't get nearly as distracted when I'm by myself. O.K. there have been occasions that I've gone careening through a stop sign or traffic light.

It's inconvenient, but I actually enjoy that Marge and I only have one vehicle. Then, when it's warm enough, I just ride my bike to work. Much simpler. I also enjoyed taking rapid transit to work when I lived in the Chicago area.

I am NOT a National Emergency

It still bugs me that the National Autism Association (NAA) is calling for the CDC to declare Autsim a national emergency. What are the implications of a national emergency? Rates of diagnosis have jumped, I grant you. What isn't being discussed is any assessmnet of unreported or undiagnosed cases. Asperger Syndrome was largely undiagnosed until recently. I was never diagnosed. I got no real special services as a child. I just struggled through. I new other nerdy people like me who loved books and didn't fit in to the popular mainstream. None of us were diagnosed.

Now I am a parent, and I didn't expect my children to just muddle through nor did I assume that my child's struggles were just part of his personality. My wife and I studied and searched and consulted our physician. Our searches led us to Asperger Syndrome (AS). NAA needs to do some kind of assessment of how many of the newly diagnosed children have parents with Asperger or a subset of the Asperger symptomology.

Better to dianose a child at age four, so that child can devote a large bulk of time to sensory integration training, social skills training and other assistance. They will have to adopt a special diet that eliminates foods to which they are intollerant. However as that child makes his/her way through school, they will have an easier and much more typical experience.

Don't you wonder how many of the geeks, freeks and nerds who sat on the periphery of the popular culture as loners . . . how many of them are Aspies?

Doesn't a national emergency imply an attack on our nation. Isn't a national emergency a threat to our economy, stability, or national security? Early intervention is critical. Advances in intervention is crucial. Elimination is wrong. I have so much to offer, because I am an Aspie. Great care must be taken not to eliminate our unique culture in the name of curing our dysfunctions or delayed abilities.

Poke Those Babies?

I had to work late on Wednesday, and when I got home my wife was warming up some potatoes in the microwave. The microwave timer said "beep beep", and my wife handed m a fork and said, "Poke those babies and see if they're done."

It made feel a little ill to think of poking this little babies with a fork. There were about four of them in the dish, and I could hear them all crying in their little diapers. It was a bizarre image.

I felt bad for them, but I ate them anyway. Maybe I shouldn't had.

Don't I sound certifiably insane? I hear this sort of thing from my daughter all the time. It is the Aspie brain's concrete way of navigating the world. There are certain books that are sacred to me, and I've thought of them as friends at times. My son said the same thing the other day. We understand that objects are not people, but there is a sense of . . . I don't understand it.

I feel badly for my wife. She is thrust into the Aspie weirdness every day. She is a saint.

Adam

Is That Part of Asperger?

The Isabella character in Mozart and the Whale said that she said things as they came into her mind, and that she said things to shock people. She made it sound like that was part of Asperger.

I thought it was just my personality. I find that I have to constantly work at not saying the most shocking thing I can think. As I become more confident and comfortable I still work at it, but after a while I start loosening up.

For example, today I made some vanilla flavored coffee, and the delicious aroma wafted throughout our work area. My boss came over and said, what is that delicious smell that is filling our area. I looked at him and in all seriousness said, "Well, actually I have body odor today."

No one who wants to keep their job should ever say that, but it sure was funny. In a paper for Autism Independent, Digby Tantam wrote referred to something called 'pathological demand avoidance'. It speaks of a behavior that disrupts a social situation before that environment can
place expectations upon the individual. So, Donald told Isabella to be on her best behavior that evening because his boss was coming home with him for dinner. If pathological demand avoidance is a real thing, then without realising it Isabella feels compelled to disrupt dinner that evening rather than having to face the vague and troubling expectation of "best".

I understand. When I am in new and troubling situations numerous outrageous behaviors go through my head. Ever seen comedian Robin Williams when he is really in the groove? It's kinda like that. As long as you keep people off balance no one can ever look at you disapprovingly. At the same time I have this vague sensation that there is something hidden that I don't know about that will warrant the disapproval of the person with whom I dealing.

I work really hard, and am largely successful, at keep my mouth shut and just hanging in there until I chill out. For example when I spent the day with a Czech missionary on his layover in Newark, I was really worked up. Not just a new person, but a new place (not to mention that I was near New York). The next day I was better.

Does that mean anything for my career goals / desired life's work of missionary service? I don't believe that I should work in a large city as that would be one constant stream of new places. Also, I will work best in small groups/churches. I also need to remember to give myself buffer time to adjust to new places. It's not always possible to have a chill day in a new place, but it will certainly help me.

My Favorite Line from Mozart and the Whale

In the Mozart and the Whale movie, the Donald Mortan character had driven a cab for years even though he scored quite high in college. Isobel had worked it out to get him a job interview in the IT department of a local university hospital (or something).

He did the whole interview looking at the wall, but the hiring manager knew that he was autistic so it was no big deal. The man hired Donald, and asked him why he had been driving a cab since he had such skills and intelligence. Donald's said, I interviewed at IBM and when they asked what my plans where I told them I would probably go to McDonald's and then do some laundry.

I wanted to stand up and shout, "Exactly! No one understand that we never understood the question!" I just wanted to scream at employers who misunderstood my intentions or who couldn't figure out how to explain to me. Why did it take so long to find Pfizer (formerly Pharmacia) which values my work, because of how I think. Now that I know I'm Aspie, I don't hide it. It's progressive enough here that I'm not penalised for revealing who I am. They value the me that I am, and not the me that they expect everyone to be.

Adam

Mozart and the Whale

I went to the library in my home town for a screening of Mozart and the Whale. It's a fictional story based on the real life account of Jerry and Mary Newport. They are both in the Autism Spectrum. I think that they are both Aspies.

Jerry was there to introduce the movie, answer questions, and autograph books. While, the characters in the movie are Donald and Isobel, and it is a fictional account, he mentioned that much of the movie is very true to their lives.

It was painful to watch as I saw much of me in the Donald Morton character. I'm not even close to being that smart. Early in my life, I learned to sublimate Aspie behaviors so that no one would see them. The movie cracked me open so that I couldn't hide. He also reminded me of Michael. I also saw aspects of myself in the edgier, slightly out of control side of the Isobel Sorenson character. The art and music that just sort of erupts out of her brain unbidden. I've sublimated much of those instincts in ways she did not in the movie.

There is a scene in the movie in which Donald informs Isobel that he is bringing his boss home for to have dinner. He asks her to be on her best behavior. That sets her off. It would set me off, but it would all happen inside my head. When Donald arrives home the home is in order and everything is ready, but Isobel proceeds to say all sorts of outrageous things. I became so uncomfortable watching her do this, Donald's reactions, and the bosses look of . . . bemusement(?), that I had to get up and leave. It was overwhelming. It was happening to me (or so it felt).

So often stories are real inside me. A cathartic, and I didn't like the way things were going. So I left the room, and then realised that I was still in a library. Then I felt better. It was like the time worn, honor bound, binding of a hundred great classics called out to me, "We are still here". I could feel the aged roughness of their bindings on my hand as I touched them. Yet I was standing on a balcony overlooking the reference section. I could still feel them. It was like they pressed forward to comfort me. It was as if they were saying, "We are books. All is well." And I felt better.

I walked down one flight to actually see these idealised books, but I wasn't sure where they might be. I still browsed some bindings. I didn't expect to see the Iliad quietly waiting for me on the shelf or Chaucer, or Shakespeare. I have yet to read those things, but they have stood the test of time without significant change. Perhaps one of my idealised friends is an old leather bound family Bible (KJV translation). I imagine that it has been passed down from generation to generation. Births, deaths, and family history have been recorded in the front pages, but more importantly it's innards have been rumpled and work from daily faithful family reading over generations. It is truly a comfort that the faith upon which I have based my life and my future is bound in a book.

The Bible is a book that has stood the test of time, the assault of critics bent on exposing it as a fraud, and the attempt of frauds to twist it to their own ends. It has survived and flourished, because it can be studied, tested, and found true.

Later,

Adam

Obssessive Compulsive?

Many people see Aspie behaviors as OCD, but in my opinion there is a fundamental difference.

I'll say again. This is my own opinion based on my experiences and learning. I don't have a degree in a related field. See your health care provider for proper diagnosis.

O.K. here it is:

An Obsessive behavior is an avoidance behavior. The behavior does not bring pleasure or satisfaction to the individual. It is not done to get or achieve. Instead Obsessive behaviors are done to avoid some typically unrelated thing or feeling. An example is the person who washes their hands over and over. They feel compelled to do it constantly. It doesn't help them feel clean, but by doing it they are able to (for example) avoid their feelings of fear and inability. The young girl takes 5 baths a day. She uses harsh soaps, and just can't get rid of that feeling of being filthy. If she could only feel clean. Is it because she feels dirty or is it because her uncle sexually abused between her ages of 8 and 12? He told her it was her fault. The abuse stopped because he died of a heart attack. I just made those stories as examples. They are extreme, but exemplify what I believe to be the nature of behaviors that can accurately be classified as OCD.

I think of OCD is a mental illness.

I think the Aspie or anyone in the Autism Spectrum (Classic Autism, PDD NOS, etc.) engages in repetitive behaviors for two reasons:

1. To compensate for neural dysfunction
2. To compensate for over or under stimulation.

Firstly, the individual in the Autism Spectrum is experiencing symptoms based on physical malformations in the brain. Most if not all Aspies are dealing with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (see the link). So repetitive movements such as spinning, rocking, jumping, touching or sniffing certain things are compensating for a deficit in the typical function of the brain. The movement can help the Aspie achieve a sense of calm and balance.

Needing to touch or physically experience certain things helps them attain a sense of where they are in relation to their world. These movements can help them feel grounded instead of feeling as if they don't quite exist in the physical world or aren't sure what they are in relation to the physical space around them.

Secondly, the person in the Autism Spectrum may have certain behaviors that help them cope with the world around them. Certain rituals that help them deal with a confusing world instead of having a melt down.

Some of the treatments may be the same at first, but I believe long term treatments should include teaching socially acceptable ways for people in the Autism Spectrum to meet their sensory needs, not look for ways to extinguish all of their behaviors.

Ultimately, the parent or care giver needs to give careful consideration to all aspects of the condition. An individual in the Autism Spectrum may also have OCD issues. It would be a shame to take the short cut and treat both Autistic behaviors and OCD as the same thing.

Adam

Heart Warming Impact

Back in the early 80s there was a Christian record label call Heart Warming Impact. Later they changed the name of the label to Impact (I think).

That doesn't have much to do with this post other than I was about to write to some one about knowing something in my "heart" and how certain things were "hear warming". That really doesn't make complete sense to me.

I know what I mean, but I always want to smile since nothing I think in my mind changes the temperature of my heart organ. Yet, there is a time when I physically feel a sensation of calming sensation. As the song says, ". . . a peaceful easy feeling. That calming reminds me of how I feel when I'm riding my bike and the weather is not too cold, and I have sunglasses, and earplugs in. I'm silently sliding through the warm dark air, and I feel calm. My mind is at rest. I believe it is a change in brain chemistry and heart rate.

That's what happens when I hear something is "heart warming". I learned a new word from my daughter whose sense of logic creates new words. That's because the existing idioms don't make sense to an Aspie. Here word is pleasable. I'm not sure exactly what she means when she says it, but when I have that peaceful easy feeling I think of the word "pleasable".

When I was a kid people in church would say, "God has really laid this on my heart." What they meant was that they had an idea and where assuming God had given the idea. They never said how they had decided that the idea was from God, they just expected that because God had laid it on their heart, that we had to take what they said as authoritative.

Some people will live and die by what God has supposedly laid on their heart. They might say, "God gave me the vision (i.e. dream, expectation, hopes, plans) for this ministry, and I'm not going to go against God's calling on my life."

I've been reading an author by the name of Hugh Ross. He is a scientist and astronomer who seems to have studied into physics as well. Hugh speaks of a testable model. I would like to see people say, I believe that God has given me direction. I have the desire and the skills to do it. I have sought wise counsel from other Christian leaders, and I am praying about it. Then you would answer the what question: What about this seems to be useful to the Lords work? Why do you believe God is directing you to do XX?

So what's on your heart?

This posting isn't a coherent message today. Just Aspie prattling.

Adam

Is This Funny Because I'm Aspie?

Is the joke below funny because I'm an Aspie or is it funny to Neurotypicals too?

-------------------
It was late afternoon near Savannah, Tennessee. Johnny was riding back from a gig in Nashville. He sat with his head against the window of the bus looking bored at the roadside as it passed. A sign in front of a house changed his boredom to curiosity, and he had his driver turn around. The sign said:

“Talking Dog for Sale”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a yellow Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what's your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

Johnny is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the singer says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"'Cause he's a liar! He never did any of that stuff!"

------------------

I think that's hysterical.

Adam

Hello. . . Is Anybody In There?

It's quite in here. Inside my brain.

I think that it's the changes to my diet. I've been very careful. On my trip to Newark, NJ I did as best I could at restaurants. Today I've been quite rigorous on sticking with it, accept I accidently had cereal with Barley in it.

Anyway, I noticed how quiet my mind is today. The silence is a little eirie. I'm used to so much more chatter. I suppose I'll have both good and bad days.

I know it's more than diet. Prayer is always a component in comming to a place of peaceful quiet, but I think diet has proved a hinderance to that.

Adam

Newark Airport

It's way too big and too many people. Luckily I had my sunglasses that I could wear in order to cut down on some of the visual intensity of all the white snow blasting through the airplane window. I couldn't find my earplugs, so I had to put up with the mind throbbing resonance of the jet engines. Wow. I would alternate putting a finger in one ear for a while and then put one in another.

I looked out the window and could see the Statue of Liberty in the distance, but then I saw New York, and I started feeling sick to my stomache. Too many people are there, yet from that distance it looked quite small.

I read the "Mysterious Incident of the Dog In The Nighttime" He would curl up, put his hands over his ears and "do moaning" when things go to much to handle. Well the trip from Cincinnati to Newark airport was just a bit much. I got Qdoba to make me a simple lunch of rice and chicken, but the chicken marinade must have had vinegar, because it made me a little nauseated, but not eating wouldn't have been any better. So then as the plane swayed back and forth on approach to Newark, I just closed my window shade and kept my sunglasses on, closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I bought Dramamine for the trip back.

So this whole trip I found that I couldn't look out of the moving airplane or moving shuttle without feeling sick. Infact I just quit even looking out of the plane window. That was new for me. Normally, I enjoy looking out of plane and train windows. I think that it was the added stress of believing God is sending us into full time missions, and flying out to Newark to meet with a missionary.

I kept my sunglass on in the terminal too. Just too many people.

When I got to the hotel I organized things in drawers, and my toiletries in the bathroom so that I could get a sense of goundedness back. By the time the missionary who I was meeting with arrived, I had had two hours to make the transition.

That was critical.

For the way home I took the Dramaine. I had also bought ear plugs. I kept my sunglasses and earplugs on the who flight, and didn't even take the sunglasses off between flights. That all helps.

Adam

Aspie's on the Mission Field?!?

It's a separate blog. My wife, children and I are working toward a life in full time mission work. There have been some that have been thrilled at the news, others that don't get it, and still others that say, "Should you do that with your condition?" The ones that question it are surprisingly few.

That said, I won't do much of the missions stuff here. I'm sure that from time to time there will be overlap. I'm going to overlap today. However, if you want more of the back story go to Journey2Missions and check out the recent posts. (Click this link)

However, the short version is that we are looking at some options for service with ABWE, and have been corresponding with an ABWE missionary from the Czech republic. This lead to a very lengthy phone call, and subsequent plans to meet each other in Newark. There's lots more to that story in the Journey2Missions blog.

So, a week ago, I was sitting wondering if the delay in attending Candidate Seminar had a purpose, and I thought, I should respond to some of those e-mail greetings I got from missionaries in Eastern Europe. Since I have until July, I can spend some time e-mailing and getting to know these guys. Then in July Marge and I can make a final decision.

I was going to trade some e-mails, create a profile on each of the prospective countries and engage due diligence on researching and feeling like I really knew these places. Then I could make a rational, measured assessment of the options.

Well when Pastor Barnes of the Czech said he wanted to speak on the phone, it seemed like a good idea. I didn't see the need. I work best in print, but neurotypicals like tone of voice and other things that I find a little confusing. Pastor Barnes has Vonage, so he could essentially talk as long as he wanted without incurring extra cost.

We talk for a solid two hours last Saturday. By Sunday evening I had made all the necessary arrangements to meet him in Newark, NJ for the afternoon, share a hotel overnight, and then go our separate ways after breakfast. It all seemed good until I went to work Monday morning.

With the typical frustration of adjusting to the transition between weekend and work week, I had had this intense Eastern-European-You-Might-Be-Going-To-The-Czech-Republic thing on Saturday and Sunday. So, I didn't have a propper weekend. I was having a double adjustment.

Then, it also hit me: I'm flying to Newark on Sunday to meet with a missionary from the Czech Republic. It all made sense. If he was going to be in the states and had a day open, much the better to meat him, before making an actual trip there.

But, who just ups and flies off to Newark! Who do I think I am. I hate New York. I hate it. I love the Statue of Liberty although it might have Masonic overtones, and that bothers me. I don't like New York. I'm sure that it's fine as cities go, but it's too big. There are too many people. It's like multilane highway of words and ideas detouring into my head. I can't spend too much time thinking about it.

You see when I think about all those people, then I think that all those people pulsing along the sidewalk, and in vehicles, and the countless people on the train are going somewhere to do something. They all live some where and have loves and hates, and things they do and think about, and it's too much to wonder about. There is this vast call for data, and none there. Busy highways bother me too. How can there always be that many people with somewhere to go and where is it they are going? Can't everyone stay home some times?

Besides who just flies off to Newark to meet a missionary they don't really know!!!! I don't really know this guy, and I'm sharing a hotel room with him. What if he snores quite vigorously or who knows what? I really wish that I could afford those sound isolating head phones.

So, I didn't accomplish as much at work on Monday. I could barely think straight. I did make an itinerary with flight times, hotel (with address and phone). A copy is on my palm pilot, and I'll print a copy to carry. I've never been to any of those airports before.

O.K. Enough. Enough Aspie ranting.

Adam

Servere Form of Autism MAY be Reversable

"Scottish scientists have discovered a way to reverse the symptoms of Rett Syndrome (RS), the most disabling autism spectrum disorder by targetting a gene in mice. Rett Syndrome affects some 10,000 children in the UK (or 1 in every 10,000 to 15,000 children according to the US National Institutes of Health). It is an untreatable neurological disorder that leaves sufferers, who are mostly female, severely disabled. Babies born with RS usually develop normally up to 18 months and then they regress, losing speech and the ability to move easily. They often go on to develop more severe debilitating symptoms such as repetitive movements, seizures and problems with breathing and controlling motor functions.

"Scientists had already suspected that RS was caused by a mutant form of the gene Mecp2, which works by switching other genes on and off. In fact the same scientist that led this latest study, Professor Adrian Bird, was the one who discovered it in 1989. In this latest study however, Professor Bird and his colleagues were able to show that by targetting Mecp2 in mice with RS, even adult mice, they could make the gene work normally and cause reversal in the RS symptoms."

For the full article click on this link.

My untrained opinion is that the Autism Spectrum Disorders may have multiple causes. I'm still convinced that it is primarily genetic. However, diet clearly plays a role and at times a quite dramatic role. Frankly, if I could be rid of some of the most troubling aspects of Asperger I might go ahead with it. Yet, I'm still not sure.

I have the blessing of Asperger. Those who are more classically Autistic have extreme challenges to overcome, and I can fully understand their desire for a cure. I'm still very cautious about talk of a cure. Asperger is who I am. I'm not sure if I can be me without it.

Adam