I am NOT a National Emergency

It still bugs me that the National Autism Association (NAA) is calling for the CDC to declare Autsim a national emergency. What are the implications of a national emergency? Rates of diagnosis have jumped, I grant you. What isn't being discussed is any assessmnet of unreported or undiagnosed cases. Asperger Syndrome was largely undiagnosed until recently. I was never diagnosed. I got no real special services as a child. I just struggled through. I new other nerdy people like me who loved books and didn't fit in to the popular mainstream. None of us were diagnosed.

Now I am a parent, and I didn't expect my children to just muddle through nor did I assume that my child's struggles were just part of his personality. My wife and I studied and searched and consulted our physician. Our searches led us to Asperger Syndrome (AS). NAA needs to do some kind of assessment of how many of the newly diagnosed children have parents with Asperger or a subset of the Asperger symptomology.

Better to dianose a child at age four, so that child can devote a large bulk of time to sensory integration training, social skills training and other assistance. They will have to adopt a special diet that eliminates foods to which they are intollerant. However as that child makes his/her way through school, they will have an easier and much more typical experience.

Don't you wonder how many of the geeks, freeks and nerds who sat on the periphery of the popular culture as loners . . . how many of them are Aspies?

Doesn't a national emergency imply an attack on our nation. Isn't a national emergency a threat to our economy, stability, or national security? Early intervention is critical. Advances in intervention is crucial. Elimination is wrong. I have so much to offer, because I am an Aspie. Great care must be taken not to eliminate our unique culture in the name of curing our dysfunctions or delayed abilities.

Poke Those Babies?

I had to work late on Wednesday, and when I got home my wife was warming up some potatoes in the microwave. The microwave timer said "beep beep", and my wife handed m a fork and said, "Poke those babies and see if they're done."

It made feel a little ill to think of poking this little babies with a fork. There were about four of them in the dish, and I could hear them all crying in their little diapers. It was a bizarre image.

I felt bad for them, but I ate them anyway. Maybe I shouldn't had.

Don't I sound certifiably insane? I hear this sort of thing from my daughter all the time. It is the Aspie brain's concrete way of navigating the world. There are certain books that are sacred to me, and I've thought of them as friends at times. My son said the same thing the other day. We understand that objects are not people, but there is a sense of . . . I don't understand it.

I feel badly for my wife. She is thrust into the Aspie weirdness every day. She is a saint.

Adam

Is That Part of Asperger?

The Isabella character in Mozart and the Whale said that she said things as they came into her mind, and that she said things to shock people. She made it sound like that was part of Asperger.

I thought it was just my personality. I find that I have to constantly work at not saying the most shocking thing I can think. As I become more confident and comfortable I still work at it, but after a while I start loosening up.

For example, today I made some vanilla flavored coffee, and the delicious aroma wafted throughout our work area. My boss came over and said, what is that delicious smell that is filling our area. I looked at him and in all seriousness said, "Well, actually I have body odor today."

No one who wants to keep their job should ever say that, but it sure was funny. In a paper for Autism Independent, Digby Tantam wrote referred to something called 'pathological demand avoidance'. It speaks of a behavior that disrupts a social situation before that environment can
place expectations upon the individual. So, Donald told Isabella to be on her best behavior that evening because his boss was coming home with him for dinner. If pathological demand avoidance is a real thing, then without realising it Isabella feels compelled to disrupt dinner that evening rather than having to face the vague and troubling expectation of "best".

I understand. When I am in new and troubling situations numerous outrageous behaviors go through my head. Ever seen comedian Robin Williams when he is really in the groove? It's kinda like that. As long as you keep people off balance no one can ever look at you disapprovingly. At the same time I have this vague sensation that there is something hidden that I don't know about that will warrant the disapproval of the person with whom I dealing.

I work really hard, and am largely successful, at keep my mouth shut and just hanging in there until I chill out. For example when I spent the day with a Czech missionary on his layover in Newark, I was really worked up. Not just a new person, but a new place (not to mention that I was near New York). The next day I was better.

Does that mean anything for my career goals / desired life's work of missionary service? I don't believe that I should work in a large city as that would be one constant stream of new places. Also, I will work best in small groups/churches. I also need to remember to give myself buffer time to adjust to new places. It's not always possible to have a chill day in a new place, but it will certainly help me.

My Favorite Line from Mozart and the Whale

In the Mozart and the Whale movie, the Donald Mortan character had driven a cab for years even though he scored quite high in college. Isobel had worked it out to get him a job interview in the IT department of a local university hospital (or something).

He did the whole interview looking at the wall, but the hiring manager knew that he was autistic so it was no big deal. The man hired Donald, and asked him why he had been driving a cab since he had such skills and intelligence. Donald's said, I interviewed at IBM and when they asked what my plans where I told them I would probably go to McDonald's and then do some laundry.

I wanted to stand up and shout, "Exactly! No one understand that we never understood the question!" I just wanted to scream at employers who misunderstood my intentions or who couldn't figure out how to explain to me. Why did it take so long to find Pfizer (formerly Pharmacia) which values my work, because of how I think. Now that I know I'm Aspie, I don't hide it. It's progressive enough here that I'm not penalised for revealing who I am. They value the me that I am, and not the me that they expect everyone to be.

Adam

Mozart and the Whale

I went to the library in my home town for a screening of Mozart and the Whale. It's a fictional story based on the real life account of Jerry and Mary Newport. They are both in the Autism Spectrum. I think that they are both Aspies.

Jerry was there to introduce the movie, answer questions, and autograph books. While, the characters in the movie are Donald and Isobel, and it is a fictional account, he mentioned that much of the movie is very true to their lives.

It was painful to watch as I saw much of me in the Donald Morton character. I'm not even close to being that smart. Early in my life, I learned to sublimate Aspie behaviors so that no one would see them. The movie cracked me open so that I couldn't hide. He also reminded me of Michael. I also saw aspects of myself in the edgier, slightly out of control side of the Isobel Sorenson character. The art and music that just sort of erupts out of her brain unbidden. I've sublimated much of those instincts in ways she did not in the movie.

There is a scene in the movie in which Donald informs Isobel that he is bringing his boss home for to have dinner. He asks her to be on her best behavior. That sets her off. It would set me off, but it would all happen inside my head. When Donald arrives home the home is in order and everything is ready, but Isobel proceeds to say all sorts of outrageous things. I became so uncomfortable watching her do this, Donald's reactions, and the bosses look of . . . bemusement(?), that I had to get up and leave. It was overwhelming. It was happening to me (or so it felt).

So often stories are real inside me. A cathartic, and I didn't like the way things were going. So I left the room, and then realised that I was still in a library. Then I felt better. It was like the time worn, honor bound, binding of a hundred great classics called out to me, "We are still here". I could feel the aged roughness of their bindings on my hand as I touched them. Yet I was standing on a balcony overlooking the reference section. I could still feel them. It was like they pressed forward to comfort me. It was as if they were saying, "We are books. All is well." And I felt better.

I walked down one flight to actually see these idealised books, but I wasn't sure where they might be. I still browsed some bindings. I didn't expect to see the Iliad quietly waiting for me on the shelf or Chaucer, or Shakespeare. I have yet to read those things, but they have stood the test of time without significant change. Perhaps one of my idealised friends is an old leather bound family Bible (KJV translation). I imagine that it has been passed down from generation to generation. Births, deaths, and family history have been recorded in the front pages, but more importantly it's innards have been rumpled and work from daily faithful family reading over generations. It is truly a comfort that the faith upon which I have based my life and my future is bound in a book.

The Bible is a book that has stood the test of time, the assault of critics bent on exposing it as a fraud, and the attempt of frauds to twist it to their own ends. It has survived and flourished, because it can be studied, tested, and found true.

Later,

Adam

Obssessive Compulsive?

Many people see Aspie behaviors as OCD, but in my opinion there is a fundamental difference.

I'll say again. This is my own opinion based on my experiences and learning. I don't have a degree in a related field. See your health care provider for proper diagnosis.

O.K. here it is:

An Obsessive behavior is an avoidance behavior. The behavior does not bring pleasure or satisfaction to the individual. It is not done to get or achieve. Instead Obsessive behaviors are done to avoid some typically unrelated thing or feeling. An example is the person who washes their hands over and over. They feel compelled to do it constantly. It doesn't help them feel clean, but by doing it they are able to (for example) avoid their feelings of fear and inability. The young girl takes 5 baths a day. She uses harsh soaps, and just can't get rid of that feeling of being filthy. If she could only feel clean. Is it because she feels dirty or is it because her uncle sexually abused between her ages of 8 and 12? He told her it was her fault. The abuse stopped because he died of a heart attack. I just made those stories as examples. They are extreme, but exemplify what I believe to be the nature of behaviors that can accurately be classified as OCD.

I think of OCD is a mental illness.

I think the Aspie or anyone in the Autism Spectrum (Classic Autism, PDD NOS, etc.) engages in repetitive behaviors for two reasons:

1. To compensate for neural dysfunction
2. To compensate for over or under stimulation.

Firstly, the individual in the Autism Spectrum is experiencing symptoms based on physical malformations in the brain. Most if not all Aspies are dealing with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (see the link). So repetitive movements such as spinning, rocking, jumping, touching or sniffing certain things are compensating for a deficit in the typical function of the brain. The movement can help the Aspie achieve a sense of calm and balance.

Needing to touch or physically experience certain things helps them attain a sense of where they are in relation to their world. These movements can help them feel grounded instead of feeling as if they don't quite exist in the physical world or aren't sure what they are in relation to the physical space around them.

Secondly, the person in the Autism Spectrum may have certain behaviors that help them cope with the world around them. Certain rituals that help them deal with a confusing world instead of having a melt down.

Some of the treatments may be the same at first, but I believe long term treatments should include teaching socially acceptable ways for people in the Autism Spectrum to meet their sensory needs, not look for ways to extinguish all of their behaviors.

Ultimately, the parent or care giver needs to give careful consideration to all aspects of the condition. An individual in the Autism Spectrum may also have OCD issues. It would be a shame to take the short cut and treat both Autistic behaviors and OCD as the same thing.

Adam

Heart Warming Impact

Back in the early 80s there was a Christian record label call Heart Warming Impact. Later they changed the name of the label to Impact (I think).

That doesn't have much to do with this post other than I was about to write to some one about knowing something in my "heart" and how certain things were "hear warming". That really doesn't make complete sense to me.

I know what I mean, but I always want to smile since nothing I think in my mind changes the temperature of my heart organ. Yet, there is a time when I physically feel a sensation of calming sensation. As the song says, ". . . a peaceful easy feeling. That calming reminds me of how I feel when I'm riding my bike and the weather is not too cold, and I have sunglasses, and earplugs in. I'm silently sliding through the warm dark air, and I feel calm. My mind is at rest. I believe it is a change in brain chemistry and heart rate.

That's what happens when I hear something is "heart warming". I learned a new word from my daughter whose sense of logic creates new words. That's because the existing idioms don't make sense to an Aspie. Here word is pleasable. I'm not sure exactly what she means when she says it, but when I have that peaceful easy feeling I think of the word "pleasable".

When I was a kid people in church would say, "God has really laid this on my heart." What they meant was that they had an idea and where assuming God had given the idea. They never said how they had decided that the idea was from God, they just expected that because God had laid it on their heart, that we had to take what they said as authoritative.

Some people will live and die by what God has supposedly laid on their heart. They might say, "God gave me the vision (i.e. dream, expectation, hopes, plans) for this ministry, and I'm not going to go against God's calling on my life."

I've been reading an author by the name of Hugh Ross. He is a scientist and astronomer who seems to have studied into physics as well. Hugh speaks of a testable model. I would like to see people say, I believe that God has given me direction. I have the desire and the skills to do it. I have sought wise counsel from other Christian leaders, and I am praying about it. Then you would answer the what question: What about this seems to be useful to the Lords work? Why do you believe God is directing you to do XX?

So what's on your heart?

This posting isn't a coherent message today. Just Aspie prattling.

Adam

Is This Funny Because I'm Aspie?

Is the joke below funny because I'm an Aspie or is it funny to Neurotypicals too?

-------------------
It was late afternoon near Savannah, Tennessee. Johnny was riding back from a gig in Nashville. He sat with his head against the window of the bus looking bored at the roadside as it passed. A sign in front of a house changed his boredom to curiosity, and he had his driver turn around. The sign said:

“Talking Dog for Sale”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a yellow Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what's your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

Johnny is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the singer says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"'Cause he's a liar! He never did any of that stuff!"

------------------

I think that's hysterical.

Adam

Hello. . . Is Anybody In There?

It's quite in here. Inside my brain.

I think that it's the changes to my diet. I've been very careful. On my trip to Newark, NJ I did as best I could at restaurants. Today I've been quite rigorous on sticking with it, accept I accidently had cereal with Barley in it.

Anyway, I noticed how quiet my mind is today. The silence is a little eirie. I'm used to so much more chatter. I suppose I'll have both good and bad days.

I know it's more than diet. Prayer is always a component in comming to a place of peaceful quiet, but I think diet has proved a hinderance to that.

Adam

Newark Airport

It's way too big and too many people. Luckily I had my sunglasses that I could wear in order to cut down on some of the visual intensity of all the white snow blasting through the airplane window. I couldn't find my earplugs, so I had to put up with the mind throbbing resonance of the jet engines. Wow. I would alternate putting a finger in one ear for a while and then put one in another.

I looked out the window and could see the Statue of Liberty in the distance, but then I saw New York, and I started feeling sick to my stomache. Too many people are there, yet from that distance it looked quite small.

I read the "Mysterious Incident of the Dog In The Nighttime" He would curl up, put his hands over his ears and "do moaning" when things go to much to handle. Well the trip from Cincinnati to Newark airport was just a bit much. I got Qdoba to make me a simple lunch of rice and chicken, but the chicken marinade must have had vinegar, because it made me a little nauseated, but not eating wouldn't have been any better. So then as the plane swayed back and forth on approach to Newark, I just closed my window shade and kept my sunglasses on, closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I bought Dramamine for the trip back.

So this whole trip I found that I couldn't look out of the moving airplane or moving shuttle without feeling sick. Infact I just quit even looking out of the plane window. That was new for me. Normally, I enjoy looking out of plane and train windows. I think that it was the added stress of believing God is sending us into full time missions, and flying out to Newark to meet with a missionary.

I kept my sunglass on in the terminal too. Just too many people.

When I got to the hotel I organized things in drawers, and my toiletries in the bathroom so that I could get a sense of goundedness back. By the time the missionary who I was meeting with arrived, I had had two hours to make the transition.

That was critical.

For the way home I took the Dramaine. I had also bought ear plugs. I kept my sunglasses and earplugs on the who flight, and didn't even take the sunglasses off between flights. That all helps.

Adam

Aspie's on the Mission Field?!?

It's a separate blog. My wife, children and I are working toward a life in full time mission work. There have been some that have been thrilled at the news, others that don't get it, and still others that say, "Should you do that with your condition?" The ones that question it are surprisingly few.

That said, I won't do much of the missions stuff here. I'm sure that from time to time there will be overlap. I'm going to overlap today. However, if you want more of the back story go to Journey2Missions and check out the recent posts. (Click this link)

However, the short version is that we are looking at some options for service with ABWE, and have been corresponding with an ABWE missionary from the Czech republic. This lead to a very lengthy phone call, and subsequent plans to meet each other in Newark. There's lots more to that story in the Journey2Missions blog.

So, a week ago, I was sitting wondering if the delay in attending Candidate Seminar had a purpose, and I thought, I should respond to some of those e-mail greetings I got from missionaries in Eastern Europe. Since I have until July, I can spend some time e-mailing and getting to know these guys. Then in July Marge and I can make a final decision.

I was going to trade some e-mails, create a profile on each of the prospective countries and engage due diligence on researching and feeling like I really knew these places. Then I could make a rational, measured assessment of the options.

Well when Pastor Barnes of the Czech said he wanted to speak on the phone, it seemed like a good idea. I didn't see the need. I work best in print, but neurotypicals like tone of voice and other things that I find a little confusing. Pastor Barnes has Vonage, so he could essentially talk as long as he wanted without incurring extra cost.

We talk for a solid two hours last Saturday. By Sunday evening I had made all the necessary arrangements to meet him in Newark, NJ for the afternoon, share a hotel overnight, and then go our separate ways after breakfast. It all seemed good until I went to work Monday morning.

With the typical frustration of adjusting to the transition between weekend and work week, I had had this intense Eastern-European-You-Might-Be-Going-To-The-Czech-Republic thing on Saturday and Sunday. So, I didn't have a propper weekend. I was having a double adjustment.

Then, it also hit me: I'm flying to Newark on Sunday to meet with a missionary from the Czech Republic. It all made sense. If he was going to be in the states and had a day open, much the better to meat him, before making an actual trip there.

But, who just ups and flies off to Newark! Who do I think I am. I hate New York. I hate it. I love the Statue of Liberty although it might have Masonic overtones, and that bothers me. I don't like New York. I'm sure that it's fine as cities go, but it's too big. There are too many people. It's like multilane highway of words and ideas detouring into my head. I can't spend too much time thinking about it.

You see when I think about all those people, then I think that all those people pulsing along the sidewalk, and in vehicles, and the countless people on the train are going somewhere to do something. They all live some where and have loves and hates, and things they do and think about, and it's too much to wonder about. There is this vast call for data, and none there. Busy highways bother me too. How can there always be that many people with somewhere to go and where is it they are going? Can't everyone stay home some times?

Besides who just flies off to Newark to meet a missionary they don't really know!!!! I don't really know this guy, and I'm sharing a hotel room with him. What if he snores quite vigorously or who knows what? I really wish that I could afford those sound isolating head phones.

So, I didn't accomplish as much at work on Monday. I could barely think straight. I did make an itinerary with flight times, hotel (with address and phone). A copy is on my palm pilot, and I'll print a copy to carry. I've never been to any of those airports before.

O.K. Enough. Enough Aspie ranting.

Adam

Servere Form of Autism MAY be Reversable

"Scottish scientists have discovered a way to reverse the symptoms of Rett Syndrome (RS), the most disabling autism spectrum disorder by targetting a gene in mice. Rett Syndrome affects some 10,000 children in the UK (or 1 in every 10,000 to 15,000 children according to the US National Institutes of Health). It is an untreatable neurological disorder that leaves sufferers, who are mostly female, severely disabled. Babies born with RS usually develop normally up to 18 months and then they regress, losing speech and the ability to move easily. They often go on to develop more severe debilitating symptoms such as repetitive movements, seizures and problems with breathing and controlling motor functions.

"Scientists had already suspected that RS was caused by a mutant form of the gene Mecp2, which works by switching other genes on and off. In fact the same scientist that led this latest study, Professor Adrian Bird, was the one who discovered it in 1989. In this latest study however, Professor Bird and his colleagues were able to show that by targetting Mecp2 in mice with RS, even adult mice, they could make the gene work normally and cause reversal in the RS symptoms."

For the full article click on this link.

My untrained opinion is that the Autism Spectrum Disorders may have multiple causes. I'm still convinced that it is primarily genetic. However, diet clearly plays a role and at times a quite dramatic role. Frankly, if I could be rid of some of the most troubling aspects of Asperger I might go ahead with it. Yet, I'm still not sure.

I have the blessing of Asperger. Those who are more classically Autistic have extreme challenges to overcome, and I can fully understand their desire for a cure. I'm still very cautious about talk of a cure. Asperger is who I am. I'm not sure if I can be me without it.

Adam

Kindergarten

My first memory of school was my mother going to meet with the kindergarten teacher. I can't quite remember her name. Mom met with her while I went into the play area. I remember putting something into a toy pay phone just before a school bell rang. I thought I had somehow made the bell ring. I left that day full of gilt.

I don't think that is an Aspie thing.

I remember my first day of kindergarten (1970). I remember standing at the front of the class. Everything was a complete blur. I mean, I couldn't see. My vision was blurry. The next picture in my head is of me sitting on my sisters lap (she was in Mr. Hartzel's fifth grade class).

Here's something odd. Trying to remember things is always troubling. It makes me to try and reach that far back and remember things. I used to think it was because I had a hidden memory of some terrible event. I don't think that any more. I think that it is an Aspie thing. I not that social memories are going to be as confusing as social situations. Also, my ways of understanding are different from that of a child, and my ability to properly "feel" about those memories may be those impaired.

I do remember being somewhat clueless socially even then. I remember bringing a new game I had gotten to show and tell, but remember feeling hurt for some reason. I don't think a really understood what would happen during show and tell, when I would get to show, and how people would react.

I also remember, this one class mate who everyone thought was funny. One day I went to sit down in a chair and he kicked it out from under me. Everyone laughed. I thought, I will do that too, and everyone will laugh. Of course, when I did it I only managed to kick the chair a little bit so that when the person hit the floor their back scraped down the chair. They were hurt and everyone looked at me like I had done something bad.

It didn't seem right that the same actions would elicit two diametrically apposed reactions. No, as a five year old I don't think I thought it in quite those terms, but that's essentially what went through my head.

Clothes Make The Man

I tend to wear the same kinds of clothes most of the time. To me all clothing is a uniform. A uniform has functional use and signifies ones function or role. So, for me to change my clothes, I have to be willing to change into another part of me.

So, on Sundays if I'm digging the church ministry vibe (how's that for slang) I stay in the outfit that I wore to church. Especially if it feels like Sunday. By the same token, I don't want to wear my jeans out to landscape or do lawn work. I put on my "grubbies". Those are my clothing set aside for painting or for lawn work.

I was just thinking of that.

I wonder if that's why some of us Aspies will tend to just go to bed in our clothes. It's the transition. There have been times that I've gone to bed in my clothes and gone right to sleep. Then later, when I wake up at about 3 am (which I do about every night), I change into sleep wear. On those occasions if I would have changed into sleep wear right then, the transition from one me to the Time To Sleep me would have stirred me up a little. I wouldn't be as sleepy then. I don't do that every night.

We are very careful not to let our children sleep in their day clothes, because you can imagine that it could easily become a habit. If I wake up in the morning in my day clothes, I feel very strange. It's as if my sleeping didn't quite count because I never put on sleeping clothes.

Sounds weired huh? It's that whole Aspie thing in which internal things need to be externalized in order to be managed. I'm still coming to understand it.

Please post comments or questions if you would like. I'm curious if any others have had these experiences.

Adam

Highschool

A parent asked me if I ever struggled with home work when I was in high school. I remember one year it seemed like I had lunch time detention almost every day for not getting my homework done. I went to high school at Grace Christian school. In those days, the curriculum was from Accelerated Christian Education (ACE). A full year in each subject was divided into 12 magazine size booklets called paces. Each pace contained vocab, text, study questions, quizzes, and a final practice test. After each Pace was completed you took a separate test at a testing table for credit.

Each class had a teacher, and each teacher had a specialty. So that meant if I struggled in a particular subject I could go to that teacher for as much help as I needed.

Instead of moving from class to class each student worked in one of those library cubicle desks. Each day, I was set a goal for how many pages in each subject that I would do, and then what I didn't finish during school I was to finish at home. For each subject that wasn't completed you got a demerit. Three demerits meant you served lunch time detention.

I thrived on being able to stay at the same desk, set my own pace, and grade my own work. Ninth grade through the seniors where mixed together in the same classes. There were 120 students in grades 9-12. The small environment seemed to make for fewer clicks and an almost family environment.

No one bullied me or mocked me. I had friends, and I didn't have to worry about getting beat up.

It was way better than junior high.

But, now that I think about it. I never did very good on homework. I'm not sure that I really saw the point. I remember in Fourth grade I don't think that I ever turned in any assignments.

I struggle a little even now, but I've developed the will to push through and get things done. I've also picked up some tools along the way. The David Allen "Getting Things Done" program has really helped me.

Adam

It's Only Water Pt II

My wife pointed something about showers to me as we were talking on the way home from work. She thinks it's a transition thing. That makes a certain sense. It is a definite transition going from one thing and then into the shower thing.

Sometimes I take a bath when I get home so that I can take my time. I enjoy a bath better anyway. It's less to think about. A bath is one thing, a shower is lots of things shooting out of a shower, and how do I know if I'm rinsing everything right.

Just dunk me in some warm water instead, and it's a nice transition into a pair of sweats or jogging pants. Some nights when I come home I intend to stay in my work outfit until it’s nearly time for bed. Other nights I'm into something casual right away, and I have no intention of leaving the house.

I rarely change into an intermediate outfit such as jeans or something. I only own one pair of jeans anyway.

It's Only Water

A parent asked me if I ever resisted taking a shower as an Aspie child or teen.

I personally can't shower every day, because it makes my skin feel dried out, and then when the fabric of my clothing moves back and forth on me it creates an intolerable sensation. In the winter especially, when the heat is on and things dry out, I can only shower about every other day. So, for that reason, I too dislike taking showers, because if my skin dries out I can't escape it. There's nothing worse for an Aspie than an overwhelming sensation from which one is able to disengage.

I do enjoy baths, because it is like being buried, and I can warm up better. It's that whole desire for deep pressure. I've always wished the bathtub was deeper so that I could be completely covered with hot water. I used to squirt Vaseline intensive care oil into the bath water so that I wouldn't get dried out. That left a terrible ring in the tub though.

So, I was thinking, what if I was a parent of a teen who found it unpleasant to shower. Well, approaching it logically, there are really only one of two reasons to show (three if your married). One could be that you enjoy it or find it soothing. Then you would want to shower every night before bed just to relax. I know of people that shower every am and every pm, and enjoy the way it makes them feel.

The second reason is because people need to keep themselves clean. It's better for your health and keeps you from disturbing others with a smell that they find troubling. It really doesn't matter what smells I can or can not tolerate, if people around me can not tolerate the way I smell, then I need to fix it. Some people just load on the perfume and I have to keep a small distance from them (discretely so as not to offend). There was one time I was sitting in church and a man sat down in front of me. He was wearing an attractive suite actually. However, it smelled as if the suit had been used for a bed by a wet dog. It was a powerful odor (one of the reasons I really don't want to own a dog).

I tried to ignore it, but finally couldn't take it any more. My family was spread out along the entire row, so I quietly got up, walked to the back, and then re-entered on the other side of the row.

There are certain detergents that my wife can not use, because they have a powerful fragrance, and I can smell just the least hint of mildew on a towel (you know, that sour smell). Sometimes I put on a shirt and if it smells odd to me, I won't wear it. It just goes right back into the dirty clothes hamper.

Back to showering.

So, if you don't like to shower, but you don't want to offend people by being odoriferous, then you could do like the French do. When I visited France as a child, I noticed that the bathroom at the hotel had a toilet shaped sink called a bidet. It was for cleaning the parts of you that get smelly when you don't shower much.

Think of it, if you didn't shower for a month your knees and elbows wouldn't smell really, nor would a number of areas. If you don't have a bidet, then lay a towel in front of the sink in your bathroom, wash the smelly areas with a soapy clothe, and then rinse with a warm wet clothe, and dry yourself. The nice thing is you can take the wash clothes that you used, and the towel for drying yourself and roll them up inside the towel that you laid on the floor. Toss it all in the dirty clothes hamper and everything is neat and tidy.

It feels a little odd blogging about this, but it is a sensory issue. For some Aspies their senses are on over drive, and we get overwhelmed. There are ways to deal with that and not feel like you are a weirdo.

Let me know if you find this helpful or if you ever struggled with this. Maybe there is a way you dealt with this that other readers would like to learn about. Leave a comment.

Later,

Adam

Diet Is Making a Difference

Diet is not a "cure" for me, but it is making a remarkable difference. It is making a difference mainly in the area of chronic pain and my ability to sleep restfully through the night. I've also notice that my brain is "quieter" during the day.

It's a little odd. For the past three nights I have been up in the middle of the night having a coughing fit. Some nights I also have also had one right when I go to bed. I've been prescribed an anti-biotic for bronchitis. So, with that disruption in my sleep you think that I would be an absolute zombie. Surprisingly, I'm nearly as bad off as I should be.

I also don't have as much struggle with repetitive thoughts. I just feel more calm.

(remember this blog is just opinion and not meant as trained diagnosis)

Marge read Special Diets for Special Kids (click here to view my resource section). It discusses that there seems to be a connection between the Autism Spectrum and an intolerance to wheat protein (gluten) and dairy protein (casein). So about a year ago Marge and I started reducing the amount of wheat and dairy in our diets. Coincidentally, this is the best year my kids have had in terms of getting school work done.

I had also heard a doctor say that you crave what you are allergic to. Well I dump sauces on everything (catsup, mustard, hot sauce, salad dressing, mayonnaise). All those sauces have vinegar. There are people that are allergic to brewers yeast, so almost a month ago a cut out everything with brewers yeast. I also cut out eggs (just a wild guess).

I've also increased the portions of raw fruit and vegetables. That may be tough for some people in the Autism spectrum due to the textures. That said, I'm so intent on being healthy, that I just push the raw carrot in my mouth and chew. Eventually I'll like it.

The more I do the better I feel. So today, I decided to do a little research to see if there is hidden gluten in things. I found that there are ingredients that are called one thing, but are actually processed wheat proteins or may contain wheat.

I found it at a web site called How to Do Things. Click here to look at the information.

My children have been to a doctor in the area who specialized in individuals in the Autism Spectrum. They have had a blood test for food allergies and will get detailed results. I don't think insurance will pay for most of it, so I'm going to wait, but eventually I'll get the test as well.

What do I recommend (in my unqualified opinion)? Read Special Diets for Special Kids then hunt down other things about on the Internet and library. You'll finds more information than you know what to do with. Some of it is utter nonsense. It helps to swim in the data, because you'll start to develop a sense of what is reliable information and what is not.

After that you can start taking some guesses about what to eliminate or locate a doctor that does the blood test.

The blood test is helpful, because my one of my children told me that he didn't have a food allergy until the test results came back. In other words, "Prove it dad!"

Hyper-Sensative

I used to take pride in the fact that I heard everything and could figure out what it was, that I could tell where my wife had been by the smells that clung to her coat and hair. The volume knob on my senses is boosted a little higer than the average neurotypical. I understand that those of us in the "spectrum" are either hyper-sensative or hypo-sensative.

Did you like my cool buzzzzzz word? I'm in the spectrum (Autism Spectrum Disorder - ASD). Are you? This is the first time that I've ever been in. I was in the band Sojourn for nearly 15 years and I never felt like I was in the local music scene really, let alone a cool in singer guy.

I wish that I could turn the hyper-sensative part off whenever I wanted. When I walk into the men's room at work and I'm greeted by an odious cloud (i.e. it stanks), I can barely get out fast enough. Problem here. While at work it is incumbant upon me to exhibit a certain professionalism and also try and be as neruotypical acting as possible. I can't yell "Ugh" and bolt out of the men's panting and realling once I've made my escape. That kind of behavior could have career limiting consequences.

Today, I walked into the men's room to . . . alright I just say it. . . use the urinal. Well, the sink is right next to the urinal and there is only this little tiny wall in between. I don't do the whole, "Let's be naked together!" thing, and that includes hanging out with guys peeing or showering together. . .

I remember once I was at a county fair grounds, and I went to go . . . how do you say urinate politely. . . to take a tinkle. The "men's room" was a cinder block shed, and the one urinal was sort of an 8 foot long trough with water running on one end and a drain on the other. Who came up with that? It certainly wasn't an Aspie or some one in the Spectrum, I'll tell you that much. "Hey guys, I have an idea. Let's all drop our pants, stand next to each other, and pee in a trough!" Now you know why our society has problems, it's people that design eight foot urinals are also comming up with the Clapper or plaid polyester pants.

Anyway, so I walk into the bathroom and some one is at the sink. So, that means I have to step into a stall and wait until they leave, and then use the urinal. I felt like an infantryman in a cloud of mustard gas in World War I, the smell was so bad.

Maybe I should stop here.

Perhaps the point is. . .I'm not sure.

My wife did by me a pocket size can of Oust Dioderizer spray. I think I should just start carying it with me.

Adam

Paper and Pen

I actually love learning, but I've discovered that there is a difference between completing an assignment and learning a topic. So, I've learned to barrel through the assignment, and then go back and learn whatever I want to about the topic. At times I've re-read the text book (not often) or studied beyond the course topic through other resources.

I love pens and paper. I use the Zebra SARASA brand 0.7 point jell pen. Thankyou yes, I am nerdy. I hate the way a ball point pen scrapes across the texture on most paper. Pay attention some time. You can actually feel the texture of the paper vibrating up through the body of the pen. It's quite unpleasant. The jell pens on the other hand, don't pick up all that vibration.

For my 30th birthday, my wife bought me a nice heavy fancy ball point pen. I eventually misplaced it (much to my chagrin). I always feel wasteful throwing away a perfectly good pen body when just the ink cartridge has gone empty. The SARASA is refillable. I'll probably have to order the refills online though as the local office supply doesn't consistently carry it.

At first I was digging the Pilot jell pens, but the ink flow starts to get spotty before the cartridge is empty. The SARASA runs clean lines all the way to the end of the ink supply.

Do I sound nerdy or what!

I like paper. Special paper is fun to write on and send letters. I used to write two or three multi-page letters each Sunday night after church. I much prefer to do the bulk of my writing on a keyboard as my typing can keep up with my thinking. I still think in pen and paper. If I'm writing music (notation that is) it has to be a number 2 pencil, and a good sharpener to keep that point.

I love books and I want to read all of them. I mean it. If some one told me that I could have an operation that would make it so that I only needed an hour of sleep and then could be up the rest of the night speed reading I would jump at the chance. I find sleep boring and usually ache and feel groggy when I wake up.

That's not at all what I was going to write about.

More Later.

Adam