#Managing Change - Take A Step Back

(Twitter Tags #Aspeis #Aspie)  As Aspies we can live productive lives even in the midst of chaos.  My ability to manage change has been put to the test over the last three years.  Laid off from a job because the company was down sizing.  Found another job that I liked, but had to quit it, because it didn't pay enough to pay our bills. 

Recently had two jobs then.  A tech writer job that was I liked some.  It paid most all of our expenses.  The second job is as pastor of a church.  That's going very well, but pays just a small amount.  So just before Christmas, my tech writing contract ran out without notice.  These are just a few of the changes and unmet expectations that have been hitting us over the last three years.  Most of it packed into the last year.

So, how am I doing?  This is really tough.  I'm smart and capable, so the tech writing job ending isn't logical.  I was angry some,  depressed, some times felt immobilized, but it didn't stop me.  It hasn't crushed me in the way I expected it too.

Just prior to getting laid off from Pfizer at the end of 2008, my wife and I got involved in a missionary organization.  That gave me a purpose greater than myself.  When I got laid off, I started working with the mission organization full time.  We traveled nearly every weekend to speak and sing at churches around the Midwest.  All the constant change involved was part of something important.  I took a step back.

If something upsetting is farther away and contained, it can't hurt me or frighten me as much.  Like a giant black bear in a cage at the zoo.  There is usually a cage and mote and fence to keep enough distance.  I can look at the bear and hopefully have a healthy respect for its power.  It might even make me nervous, but it won't stop me from visiting the zoo.

Us Aspies don't like change.  It disturbs us and makes us angry.  Why is that?  I think it is because, we reflect it so closely on our expectations and need for our worlds to have order and predictability.  Sad to say, this world will never be that way.

If there is something in my life that is orderly and sure, then I can take a step back from the changes.  I have something that never changes.  A direction in life that is consistent regardless of my circumstances.  

We spend so much time trying to fix our circumstances.  I think I've discovered how to make myself more resilient.  I've been able to take a step back and not react as strongly to change, because of faith.  Because I believe that God is always at work in my life for the good (even when I face difficulty or loss) then I have a constant, unchanging platform on which to bass my life. 

As I work to reflect on and live out the ways of Jesus Christ, I develop a more intimate connection with Him. My trust level in Him increases, and Christ becomes increasingly important to me.  In His essential character and His care for me, Christ doesn't shift or change.  My relationship with god is like standing on a solid rock in the middle of a storm.  The storm may trouble me, but I won't be washed away.

This helps me step back and consider changes from a "distance" as it were.   

#Managing Change - Why so tough?

(#Aspie #Aspies)

This year has been a year of constant change.

Change can be difficult for everyone.  For an Aspie our world already seems very chaotic. 

The brain receives thousands of bits of input each second.  All the senses are sending countless sensory data to the brain.  I takes that data, tosses out most of it as irrelevant, and then coalesces the remaining data into a single integrated image of me.  That integrative function reassures me that I'm anchored to the ground by gravity and helps me not bump into things. 

The integrative function of the brain helps me make sense out of people around me.  If it doesn't work right I see a collection of attributes and not people.  That's one reason why Aspies tend to remember parts and pieces as much as the whole.  The integrative function of our brain isn't fully developed.

As a result the world around us can seem like a mad rush of stuff coming at us all at once.  We often crave orderliness to give our world some sense of calm.  That's why change is so difficult.  Instead of some subconscious part of our mind dealing with change, we often have to cognitively think through change in order to reset ourselves and be ready for it.

It takes a great deal of energy to constantly be consciously processing through changes without any pre-built structure to help.  That's why Aspie kids and adults will have "melt downs" because they've reached their limit of tolerance.  You might have an Aspie manager who looses his temper when things change. You might be the Aspie manager.

There are ways to create a structure in your mind to help you name the changes.  Label them and then manage them.  Then you have the control.  

More later.

Adam

O.K. Now What?

Well.  There I was happily working away, albeit a little bored, and then next day severed.  I have been a contract technical writer at Stryker for the last six months.  No notice.  No hint that my contract would not be renewed.  Even given new work on Thursday.  Friday evening, after I had gotten home, I received a call from the contracting agency that Stryker had decided not to renew my contract.  Effective immediately, I was not allowed back in the building.

The contract agency was kind enough to retrieve my belongings.  I received confused e-mails from coworkers, but not a word from management.  That was cold, and very confusing for an Aspie.  I was in a tail spin for a couple of days. I'm thankful for relationships and tools in my life that kept me afloat.  My relationship with Christ gave me the firm understanding that nothing happens by mistake (Romans 8:28).  God is not taken by surprise.  Because, I'm a Christian, there is nothing in my life that can shipwreck my ultimate destiny with Christ in eternity.

That faith didn't take a way the confusion, self recrimination or anger, but it was an anchor that held me fast in the storm.  I still had to self talk through the blizzard of possibilities that immobilized me for several days.  Prayer was critical.  I spoke very frankly to God about how I was reacting and feeling.  Privately with God, i worked through the logic and fears.  Also, I talked through with God what the Bible says about my circumstances and needs.

It's been a week now.  My wife and children have been a comfort.  I pastor a church now, part time, and that is a joy.  I use an excellent task management structure, so today I'm going through everything, documenting, categorizing, and prioritizing.  Plan your work and work your plan.

There never was a day that I didn't get out of bed, but I've spent extra time sleeping.

A week later and I'm getting my direction back, purpose and work ethic back.  Thankful that the Lord Jesus Christ is like a rock that shelters me during times of confusing and disturbing change.  Like a solid rock, He does shift or change as so much else does.  How can any Aspie live without Christ?

I don't know.

Don't Rearrange the Furniture!

Why is it that I get ill whenever I start a remodelling project on the house. Am I just lazy and don't like to work? I feel extra tired, start feeling like I have a touch of the stomach flu, and just have a hard time in general keeping the project going.

It was worse this time. There is so much change right now, I'm extra sensitive (see http://sojournband.blogspot.com/2006/08/last-hoorah.html). I was with Sojourn for 14 years, and with that being done and investigating being a full time missionary, I'm already stretching the limits. So I decided I was going to paint the living room for my wife's birthday. We threw out our old ratty couch, stuck my orange lazy boy chair in the basement, moved the TV into the basement, and moved all the other furniture into the center of the room.

It hit me yesterday that all of the places in the house that I use to sit and feel calm are in our living room, and that's just been proverbially "blown to bits".

It's times like this that I really do hate being an Aspie. The Neurotypical brain just manages a persons environment in the background so that Neruotypical isn't aware of it much. As an Aspie I need to create that order externally. I'm not about to be so much of a prisoner that I avoid all distressing environments. So I know for few days I'm going to feel like crap, and then when it's done I can go back to feeling a bigger sense of calm.

I think when of my biggest helps is my faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible and prayer are two chief ways to recent and calm, and they can never be taken away.

Adam