May 31, 2007

Emma and Elaine

A young girl posted a comment to one of my recent posts on bullying:

"Yes i get bullied. Bullying makes me feel sad. I don't want to have autism anymore. My mommy tells me that is what makes me special."

"ps: hi i am emma's mom and she is telling me that she doesn't want autism anymore and i am wondering if you can help her with some advice.thanks,emma and elaine"

I want to help in anyway that I can, but I need to understand more about what is happening.

I do want to restate that I'm not a clinician, not a DR., nor a therapist of any kind. I'm just a Christian Aspie from Kalamazoo, Michigan. That said, perhaps we can think this through together and help Emma find a solution that works for her.

So, please post in the comment section to this blog posting. Please tell me your story of what happens. My belief is that in bullying situations it's often the same people doing the same things over and over.

Nothing is ever exactly the same every time, but I bet it might be mostly the same each time.

So, please tell me
  • Who and how many (you don't have to use names). Boy or girl?
  • Where - Does it happen most at school? If so where in the school. Does it happen in your neighborhood?, then where in your neighborhood. At the shopping mall?
  • Who else - Who else is there witnessing this. I mean non-bullies. Are you with your friends, teachers, other adults, or is there hardly any one else around.
  • The Script - Movies and plays have a script so that the actors know what to say. The bullies might not say exactly the same thing each time, but what do they say most often? What do you usually say or do in response. It will help if you can make it like into a play with dialogue and actions. The play could be called, "The Typical Bullying Thing".

This is the first step in the process of stopping the bullying. I call this step IDENTIFY AND OWN. I've heard over and over, and it's true also for me, that we Aspies feel comforted when we can write down things and feelings. Also, the bully or bullies have you believing that they have power over you. By writing down all the Who, where, who else, and the script it will help you to have power over the situation.

Emma, your greatest power is not unkind actions like pushing, grabbing, or fists. Nor is your power in unkind words. Those are things that bullies use. Bullies use unkind actions and words, because they are week and sad.

The truth is, Emma, that your mommy is right. You are special. Autism does give you some special things. Some very smart and talented people have Asperger Syndrome or Autism. Autism/Asperger is a real hastle sometimes and I have days that having it makes me feel sad or angry, but it is who I am, and having it gives me some special ways of thinking that others might not have.

What makes you really really special is something that makes every person special and unique. I believe that every human being (even bullies) where made by God. I believe that God is the most special of all. I believe He is very creative, wise, and beautiful. God is like the most wondrous artist of all, and Emma, he made you. That means you are special, wondrous, and beautiful. God would never make a mistake or make something ugly.

I'm sad to say that the bullies are not acting like one of God's creation nor are they treating you like one of God's creation. Somewhere inside those bullies there is something special too, but over time they have covered the beautiful parts of who they are with lots of ugly and dark parts. I don't know if there is anything you can say that will stop them from being bullies. What you can do, is help them stop bullying you. That is good for you and them both.

So, please tell me the stuff I asked for above, and I'll try and help you. I tried this on my son, and it helped him.


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