Sunglasses in the Office

I'm finding that I wear my sunglasses at my desk all the time now and I can actually read things on the computer screen comfortably. Also, in meetings, I put on my sunglasses if the words on the page are pulsing. It just cuts down on all the intensity.

I had heard about going to get a test done that would tell you the optimal tinting for your glasses so that it was easiest to read things. I've seen news shows about people whose lives were changed because they could finally see clearly with tinted glasses. Sometimes yellow tint. They look goofy, but if they work, let me at them. I'm not so sever that I haven't been able to survive, but I'm realizing how much discomfort that I put up as just a matter of life.

At home, we use lots of soft lighting and have very few bright overhead lights.

I don't suppose I can get everybody in my life to turn the lights down a little.

Adam

What exactly is he asking me to do?

I received an e-mail about a project on which I was working. It ended with this comment:

---We are planning a follow up for next year, so let me know if you have anything to report from your end.---

Uh…

It took me a second to process that one. All I could see in my mind was a picture of my own fanny. That's not a pretty site by any account. I was quite thankful that this coworker didn't say this in a face to face meeting.

Maybe I should wear sunglasses so that I can hide when something doesn't make sense to me.

Adam

Sunglasses are great!

I've noticed that the sunglasses help me feel less agitated by my environment. In my odd scrambled way, having the sunglasses make things seem a little quieter. Then I put in my earplugs and things are just so peaceful.

When I ride my bike and it's quite cold the earplugs help keep the cold air from whistling into my ears. So, as I was riding I realised that with my ear plugs (less sound) and sunglasses (less intense visual input), I felt like I was gliding through silk. I have often enjoyed walking (or running) in twilight. I remember as a child running through the neighborhood or woods at twilight playing some kind of game. I was hard to catch. When I ride my bike to work on the paved hiking trail and it's still dark, I find it peaceful and I can still ride fairly fast.

So, here I am walking across the campus with earplugs, sunglasses, and my cool hard hat. We are required to wear a hard hat when we are out and about, and it looks like a cool construction sit guy sort of thing. No one ever looks at me odd when they see the ear plugs, because there are areas with loud machines in which ear plugs are required.

It's peaceful not to have to hear the ten vehicles in various places or the various machines in operation that my brain is trying to categorize and understand. Instead it is filtered out and things are much more quiet. Peaceful. One day when I got back to my desk I left the sunglasses on for hours and even left the ear plugs in for a while.

It bothers some people when I have them on and talk to them. I like people to take their sunglasses off as well, when I talk to them, so I need to be sensitive to that.

I've worn my sunglasses during the last two movies I saw in the theatre. It's much more pleasant. Unless I'm near the back of the theatre I find movies hurt my eyes. It's also so visually intense that its hard to take it in. The sunglasses mellow out the brilliance and make it much more comfortable.

The problem now is that I have to make myself not wear them. It would be easy to hide inside them all the time. I could just relax inside my darkened world, and be at peace. Then I would be recluse and not a real person. I wouldn't be able to really have relationships or help anyone or serve God quite right, because you can't have a real relationship with some one if they can't look into your eyes.

Adam

Helloooo Sunglasses!

I've always avoided wearing sunglasses. I don't like speaking with people that are wearing them, because I can't see what their eyes are doing. It's also hard to imagine what my face looks like without eyes in it.

However, my father has suffered from Macular Degeneration, and has wisely advised me to start wearing them. There was also some extra flexible spending in my health account this year, so I purchased a pair of prescription sunglasses.

It has been a breakthrough.

The company in which I work has a large campus. Often I need to walk across campus to various meetings. Also walking across campus are various other people, and I never know what to do with my eyes.

When I am walking and a person I don't know is coming in the opposite direction when do I start looking at that person. If I look to early, then I am staring and the person will either be uncomfortable, offended, and think I know them some how. So, you don't want to look at the person too early (whenever that might be). So you have to look somewhere else. Normally, I look straight ahead. That way I don't fall down. If I do that then I'm looking at the person coming from the other direction, so I have to vary my gaze.

I could just not look at anyone, but then I'm being rude. Some people expect you to say hello or good morning(afternoon, day, etc). From to tough looking tradesmen (the ones that really look believable in a hard hat and tool belt), you often get abbreviated versions of hello such as
Hey
Hey'p
Hep
Uhhh
Yep

Never understood the "yep" one since I haven't asked them a question. You also have to know if the person you encounter is a waver, nod-upper, or nod-downer. I've noticed that most Caucasians nod their heads down (if they are nodders). O.K. spell check just tried to make me change nodders to dodders. What in the world is a dodder? Tradesmen and farmers tend to nod more than wave unless they are over a block away and not heading toward each other. Then they are too far away for a nod of the head and they wave. Minorities tend to nod up as a greeting and sign of initial respect.

If I'm in my own neighborhood in front of my own house and a person under the age of 20 walks or rides by, I always nod up and say "sup". Typically the other person does the same. Some times a quasi conversation takes place in which the other person says, "Namuch boutchu?" and I would say "Namuch man." Having thus exchanged greetings there is that general understanding that initial respect and positive emotions have been exchanged.

So, back to sun glasses.

With the sun glasses, I don't have to decide if or when to start looking at some one. If I want I can stare out into the trees and not worry that the other person coming toward me will think that I'm weird or offensive.

It makes for a much less stressful walk.

Adam

In 20 Min.

This is roughly how this conversation went at work:

Coworker: Can you show me how to use the Change Database in 20 min. I have a meeting.
Me: What are you asking for?
Coworker: I'm asking can you show me in 20 min.
Me: It is 12:45. Are you asking me to wait until 01:05 to show you this or are you asking that my demonstration be of less than 20 min. duration?

Show me in 20 min. Can easily mean two things, and the context (I have a meeting) didn't help at all. She could have had a short meeting, and wanted me to wait around until she got out.

So, I told her, "It's the Aspie thing, I didn't understand."

Her response was that it was o.k. She said most people don't understand and just pretend that they do.

Don't I know it.

Adam

Little Tiny Meltdown

Yesterday I was running late for work, but I still wanted coffee. I had the bright idea that I would make a pot of coffee. put some in this small metal thermous that I have, and strap it to the bag holder on the back of my bike. I've done that before.

I couldn't find the thermous. I new if Marge were here she could find it in less than five min. In my case, if it has been moved from its spot I can't always see it. Sometimes, things have been moved from the place were I normally put them, and are now in plain site. Just in a different place. I've been known to look right at something and not recognise it for what it is, because it is not where I expected it to be.

I was frozen, I had so planned on that coffee. I knew it was illogical, but it threw off my whole morning. I even castigated myself with sayings like, "Grow up jr. it's just coffee." That just made me angry.

So, I put the pot of coffee in the fancy caraf that we use (which I can not take on my bike), and pedalled off to work.

Sometimes I hate Asperger.

So, last night I got home from work, and my wife said, thanks for making me the pot of coffee. I explained that I was not so nobel as she thought. She found my metal thermous in under five min.

See, if I were a neurotypical, things couldn't be invisible on me. I could find what I want, when I wanted to. O.K., I know, a bunch of my neurtypicals are patronizingly saying, "Oh, we all loose things once in a while."

I hate it when people do that. In fact, I've heard it so much, I can hear it when they aren't saying it.

O.K. This post is nothing but an Aspie rant.

And I'm running late for work.

Later,

Adam

Surrounded by Smart Neurotypicals - Now What?

I agreed to be part of the Kalamazoo Public Library's "Read Together Program" in which everyone read the same book and talks about it, does art about it, etc. It might sound a bit odd at first glance, but it is a cool way to get people engaged in thinking through what they read instead of just reading. There is real value in working through the aspects of a books style and writing and its content.

Well, the book is called, "The Mysterious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time." It's about a boy with high functioning autism. I'm on the group because I'm in the ASD spectrum.

Well, I never felt so ASD in all my life. Normally I'm in groups of IT folks, engineers, Quality Assurance weenies, scientists. Instead I'm surrounded by library staff, educators, museum employees, book lovers, and advocates for the disabled. I introduced myself as being in the spectrum and having had fallen into some public speaking.

I worked hard at understanding the body language around me, but I couldn't. I assumed the worst. I'm just some idiot, what am I doing here with the educated elite? So, I tried to keep quiet, but just couldn't. Oddly enough, my ideas were well received, and afterward I was thanked. Also, some one said that they were changing some of their ideas based on one of my comments.

I know full well, that tonight I experienced, like never before, what the books call "mind blindness". I hated it. All of the methods I normally have for guessing or extrapolating what people might be thinking failed me in the rarefied air of the library environment.

I'm really intimidated. I love the arts, academia, and especially libraries.

Now , you might be thinking, this is a public blog, this is all out in the open now. Very true, but I'm committing to keeping a certain level of transparency, so that there is some incite into the Aspie mind. When a new group of people is also a new type of people, it is very un-nerving for an Aspie. I had the urge to leave, to say smart-alek comments, or just to rock back and forth. I did a little rocking when I got home. I repress it so much, but it really does feel nice.

There is really nothing that group of people could have done any better. I was made to feel welcomed, and my comments were welcomed. It will simply take me time to get used to them. In the meantime, I control my urges and filter my comments. In no time I'll fit right in.

I'm stepping so far out of my comfort zone, but i was telling my wife, this is what I'm all about. Helping people. This is it. God has given me Asperger, I want to use it to help others and in so doing bring the Lord pleasure.

Later,

Adam

Now that's disturbing - Halloween

I don't like Halloween anymore.

When I was a kid it seemed like a lot of fun. As an adult in my neighborhood, we get tons of kids (and teens) who are there to make a major candy haul. So, I don't know hardly any of the people who come to our door. The holiday has also taken on an even stronger occult and violent focus.

Then, at work, my coworkers dressed up as did my boss. It was disruptive for me. My boss didn't look like my boss, and the people with scary masks really bugged me.

Now, I would imagine that there are Aspies that just love dressing up and being some one else. I didn't say dressing up as some one else, but the act of dressing up transforms you into some one else. Aspies probably make great character actors. There could be a great deal of freedom in playing dress-up.

I do offer this caution: we Aspies are bright enough to know that we don't fit in. Many of us have come to accept and understand our condition, but there is still a sense of loss. Also, Aspies are often teesed and we don't typically understand why. It isn't logical. When I was in junior high, I had strong feelings of anger and a desire to get back at everyone who had rejected me. Here's the caution: It may not be wise to encourage an Aspie to act out his aggressive fantasies on Halloween by dressing up as a violent character as it could also reinforce those fantasies as a behavior.

I think that it will be better to direct an Aspie toward more positive characters:
Rock Star
Business Executive
Doctor
Lawyer (that could be fun. he could file suit against his tormentors)
Super Hero
Historical Figure

What is your Aspie's area of interest? Develop a costume that corresponds to it.

So there's my two cents.

Adam

Agitated? Yes, just a bit!

I feel like I am rocketing past my limit. My wife has her 50th birthday celebration tonight, and her family is travel (at this moment) from Eureka, Illinois. I’ve been working my head off to get the living room, painted (including repairing age related damage in one wall) and furniture cleaned. Also, needed to be ready to present at the teacher’s in-service yesterday. On top of all of it, my family and I are considering a career change.

So yesterday, after presenting at the in-service, I drove an hour up to Grand Rapids to help some friends with a recording session. The session fell through so why chatted and brought each other up to speed on our lives. That was cool, but I was looking forward to doing some music. I also got to bed late, and didn’t have last night to feel prepared for my wife’s party tonight.

Also, I had to fill in an annual self assessment. It is part of my annual review at work, but there are over two months left in the year, how can I make an annual assessment. We don’t get to do our annual objectives for the coming year until months into the year, and then we do our annual assessment early. It really means nothing to me.

I’m also reeling from the experience of presenting at the conference. Some one said that my presentations (both on Thursday and at another occasion) were “life changing”. No one has ever said that to me. Not after a Sojourn concert (www.sojournband.com) and not even after I have preached at church.

People have enjoyed both my singing and preaching, but never spoken to me with such urgency and gratefulness. Also, I really found my wife to be a natural and effective speaker.

I’m not contemplating a career as a motivational speaker or anything, but the “success” of it just hit me like a freight train. I worked harder and spent more as a singer and never was so inspiring.

It’s too much for me to integrate. I was tired to begin with, but I’m having a hard time just sitting still. I want to sleep and run around all at once. It’s like what emotions and feelings I do have are shut off, and there is a sick sense of calm. A calm as a result of an absence of activity, not the presence of peace.

I’m not really not at peace. I think fatigue and change overload is muting my emotional reactions.

So, I’m sitting at work typing this into a work document as a means of managing my feelings. Mostly feelings of agitation. So, I guess I’m feeling something.

Maybe I shouldn’t have had the two 16 oz. cups of coffee this morning. It was the only way to stay awake and keep functioning in some form or fashion.

I am looking forward to seeing my wife’s family. They are wonderfully warm and caring people. They are very different from me, but that has never blocked the closeness of familial caring. They are very good people, whom I trust and respect.

O.K., I’m feeling a little better. It helps me to write. I’ll post this to the blog. Perhaps this too will inform or encourage some one.

Adam

I Still Can't Believe It!

Yesterday, my wife Marge and I spoke at a one day conference for teachers and parents of children with Asperger Syndrome. I had a portable tape recorder on the podium and was able to record much of it.

I listened to a little bit of it, and was incredulous all over again. Did I really do a good job? Is what I have to say really entertaining and insightful? Wow. Was that really me? Yes, I have proof. That's my voice, but how can it be that by displaying my "weakness" and "disability" I am a source of strength to others.

I was slightly detached yesterday as I spoke. I normally filter so much that yesterday I made every effort to stay out of the way, and just watch me talk. The whole time I'm thinking, "Is this really what people want to hear? This is all the goofy stuff. It's the stuff that I've wanted to restrict in favor of the responsible adult sounding material."

I've worked hard at becoming a responsible adult, yet I subscribe to the principals of clowning. Really. A truly skilled clown is vulnerable with his/her flaws in a way that both entertains and teaches. By doing so, the clown exposes flaws or even evils in his/her audience in a way that stirs a change without discouraging the listener. That is the fundamental heart of a clown.

Perhaps I state too specifically to my own situation. Let me say it more correctly: A clown uses foolishness as a tool to point to the value of another.

Some clowns are purely entertainers. The circus clowns come to mind, but their entertainment may not be only that. By laughing at them we are really laughing at ourselves. We are laughing at our flaws and minimizing their power over us. We all fall down, we all fail, clowns redirect our perspective to see the humor in our own failings.

Failure can become a monster that haunts us continually. The monster of failure can gain strength as it feeds on our energy, draining from us our will to try new and scary things. Draining from us our daring to attempt that which frightens us.

In reality the monster of failure is only as large as our perspective of it. The lower we feel the taller it appears. Conversely, the taller I feel the smaller my failures appear. Failure has no power. The power of failure is a lie. In the Bible (John 8:44) Jesus is recorded as saying that the Devil is a liar and the father of lies. That's the Devil's real power. His power to convince us of that veracity of a lie.

It's so easy to embrace the power of a lie, and to live in it. It takes energy and daring to step out in faith, and live by different principals even when the lie still has some grip on us. It still has some grip on me. The lie that people won't like the real me so I'm better to wear a variety of personalities that people would rather see.

I remember once when a coworker stopped me in the hall after a meeting and said, "Quite telling everyone that you don't know what you are doing or they might start believing it." I was stunned. It hit me like a bolt of lightning: my value in this job is my thoughts and ideas not my official credentials or work history. My expertise is already in my head. My value to my employer is in the way I think about things.

Shock! I am valuable to my employer just as I am.

Huh?

So at the conference yesterday, I just let my inner Aspie pour out through my public speaker face in a way that I have never done. It was mildly organized chaos. A mosaic of thought. To my audience it had essential value.

What a shock!

It's hard to untangle the chains of the lies I've held so dear for so many years. I embraced the "Adam is junk" lie well over 20 years ago and it lurked in the corners like a secret addiction. I've heard that an abused spouse may choose to stay with the abuser rather than risk living lonely. I don't see myself as a victim frankly, but my wrong thinking became a constant companion, and it is easier to maintain the current state than it is to bust into unusual ground. So much so that the "Adam is junk" lie had taken on an air of reliability.

This is really getting long, and I need to go back to work.

Let me close with this: Relentlessly stay on message with everyone you know. The message is that everyone has intrinsic value because they were created by God and created in His image. For that reason and that reason alone every single person has inestimable value that is neither bound to what they can do or what they can't do. We all need to improve and grow, but that is our source of joy, for God never condemns those who try to please Him and fail.

Success or failure should never be the issue, but the measure of . . . a . . . "successful" person (is there another way to say that?) is that they reach beyond their current limits and aspire to something more.

Adam

Social Stories - "Mom Has Bad Days"

Social Stories can be a big help for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Several years ago my wife wrote one for the kids to help them understand how to deal with her when she was having a bad day.

Marge and I had the opportunity to speak at a conference and Marge read the social story. She hadn't looked at it for a long time, but when she first wrote it she would actually hand a copy to Michael to read again each time she was having a bad day.

It is re-printed below.

-----------------------

Mom Has Bad Days

Sometimes my mom is in a crabby mood. She yells at me and I can't do anything right. I don't like it when she is not happy.

Sometimes my mom is having a bad time and it is not about me. Just because she raises her voice or has a sad face, does not mean she is made at me. She is having her own bad day.

On bad days, it is good to let mom be alone. This is a good day not to ask too many questions. This is a good tim to do my work as much as I can on my own.

I can help my mom by not bugging her. I can help my mom by getting along with my sister.

I will not worry about what I did to make mom mad. She will tell me if there is something I need to do differently.

It is OK to have bad days, sometimes. I will let mom have a bad day.

-----------------------------

This social story proved helpful to my son. In time he was able to internalize this thought process, but initially, the social story helped him work through a particular situation.

Carol Grey is the Social Story guru. The Grey Center web site has a useful page about social stories including resources for sale. http://www.thegraycenter.org/socialstories.cfm

Adam

Famous Aspies

How do I know who the famous Aspies (or autistics) are? I found it on the Internet so it must be true. O.K. I've pulled some interesting names from a number of lists. Each name is a hyper link to a web page where that name, and others, is listed.

Michelangelo
Vincent van Gogh
Albert Einstein
Bill Gates

Makes you wonder about it is an "abnormality" or "disorder" or "disability". The list above is just a sampling of numerous famous eccentrics that had a major impact on the societies around them.

I believe that all individuals who want to make a contribution to the world around them can, and should be allowed to their fullest extent. Who knows, maybe the next van Gogh could be sitting in a special needs classroom waiting to be pointed in the right direction.

Adam

Don't Rearrange the Furniture!

Why is it that I get ill whenever I start a remodelling project on the house. Am I just lazy and don't like to work? I feel extra tired, start feeling like I have a touch of the stomach flu, and just have a hard time in general keeping the project going.

It was worse this time. There is so much change right now, I'm extra sensitive (see http://sojournband.blogspot.com/2006/08/last-hoorah.html). I was with Sojourn for 14 years, and with that being done and investigating being a full time missionary, I'm already stretching the limits. So I decided I was going to paint the living room for my wife's birthday. We threw out our old ratty couch, stuck my orange lazy boy chair in the basement, moved the TV into the basement, and moved all the other furniture into the center of the room.

It hit me yesterday that all of the places in the house that I use to sit and feel calm are in our living room, and that's just been proverbially "blown to bits".

It's times like this that I really do hate being an Aspie. The Neurotypical brain just manages a persons environment in the background so that Neruotypical isn't aware of it much. As an Aspie I need to create that order externally. I'm not about to be so much of a prisoner that I avoid all distressing environments. So I know for few days I'm going to feel like crap, and then when it's done I can go back to feeling a bigger sense of calm.

I think when of my biggest helps is my faith in Jesus Christ. The Bible and prayer are two chief ways to recent and calm, and they can never be taken away.

Adam

The Best of Aspie's Inc - No More Chit Chat!

There is a new feature in the blog.

It is a label that allows me to group posts along a certain topic. So I have reveiwed all of my posts and compiled a group called No More Chit Chat!

Click the link and it will take you to a collection of all the blogs along that topic.

Also, any comments or questions are always helpful.

Adam

Definitely, Definitely Not The Right Way. . .

Some of my blogs are thought out and seem inspirational or at least revelatory in an instructional way. And then there are days when in the spirit of blogging I just drop out what is on my mind. There are times when things don't go the way that I expect them. Actually, it happens a fair amount. I realized recently, that I have internal Aspie melt-downs (at worst) and at best have little internal pout fests.

I remember I was so frustrated one day that in my mind I dug in my heals, crossed my arms, put on the big angry pout face, and refused to proceed. It was the end of my work day so on the outside I put on my bike riding clothes, got on my bike, and headed for home. For about half the 45 min. trip home I had to keep encouraging myself to pedal. In my mind I could still see the pouting characture of myself, and I could feel it as if I were actually physically hunkered down in the corner of my office refusing to move.

It happens to me a lot on Mondays since the transition from the weekend is difficult. I think the only help for that is to make certain that I establish a routine of thoughtfulness in the morning and in the evening both so that I can take stock of the day before or my day so far, think about what it means to me, and work through any frustrations. Reading the Bible and talking to God is also a crucial part of that "Thoughtfulness Time". I did that about four days out of 7 last week. Well, I at least did it in the mornings. I would read something in the Bible and write a little in my journal, and then get on my bike and ride to work. Usually on my bike ride as I'm quiet and alone with my thoughts, I'll have a few moments when I feel that I connect with God. Today, it was pouring rain and 55 degrees Fahrenheit. I didn't ride in. I should have. Also, my wife was already up and moving about, when normally I'm the first one up. It was confusing so I went back to bed. We can't turn our furnace on yet, so my body was warm, but my head was cold. It was all wrong. So, my day was actually o.k., but the morning threw me out of wack. I'm going to work at promoting morning Thoughtfullness, I'll let you know how it goes. If you ever struggle with this, please leave a comment. If you have questions or comments on almost anything, please leave a comment, and I will respond in the blog. Adam

Melon E-Mail

About five years ago, I worked for a contractor that employed technical writers. They prided themselves on the highly professional quality of the product and services they offered. I took that to heart.

So, one day I got an e-mail saying that the company was offering a new "benefit". I'm thinking, cool! will it be tuition reimbursement? cash? they already gave us our birthday off so that isn't it. It turns out that the owner of the company had a brother who is a fruit farmer, and the benefit is that each of the employees will receive one free melon. We were also offered the opportunity to purchase additional melons at a greatly reduced price.

To me that sounded like a silly benefit, so I ignored the e-mail. Well, then I got another e-mail with more information on this new melon benefit. I started calling these "Melon Mails". After that I think that I got several others. One was an "oops", I forgot to, and the other was an e-mail to let every one know that there was going to be a schedule change for when/where we should collect our melon benefit.

At that point I had had enough, and I wrote the following to the administrative assistant that was sending them:
-----------------------------
"Is there any way I can opt out of getting future e-mails about fruit? I could sure go for a free box of home made Toll-House cookies! or how about beef jerky!

"And when we pick up our cantaloupe where do we put it? Maybe inside our car where the temp will reach 110. We could just line them up in the break rooms and mark out names on them in wax pencil!"

--------------------------

I thought I was kind of funny actually, but dearly hoped that I would quit getting melon mails.

Instead I got a terse response from the VP:

--------------------
Adam:

"I am goin to give you the benefit of the doubt that your response was a weak and inappropriate attempt at humor.

"One of the things that is different about [our company] is that we have a CEO who does attempt to provide employees with some of the little things as a way of saying thankyou."

[o.k. show how much you care with a $2 melon]

"Generally when an offer such as this is made and you wish to decline the appropriate response is 'no thank you'."

----------------------------

The e-mail goes on from there, but . . . uh. . . even now I look at it and have about a 45 min. Aspie tirade that I want to launch into. Such as how can a $2 piece of fruit be considered a benefit!!! I'm not even sure what melon's cost. It's a good thing the CEO. . .

Can a sole proprietership company with 80 employees and one office have a CEO?

Sorry, what I was going to say is that it's a good thing the CEO didn't have an uncle that worked for Hanes! Then I would have received Undie E-mails! If her sister owned a company that made laxatives, then instead of a series of e-mails, we would have had a running dialogue.

I'ld better stop right there. My relational thinking is taking this to places that it must not go.

No real point or inspiration here, just a simple Aspie ramble.

Do you wonder why I brought this up now? My wife was going through and shredding old files and trying to decide what to keep. She found my old employment records and the e-mail thread was in there.

Later,

Adam Parmenter

Cheer Up Sunshine

Great.

I have a cheerleader. I was at a training event yesterday, and one individual decided that I looked grumpy and that she was going to cheer me up. She said so out loud as she entered the room, "Why are you so grumpy!? I'll cheer you up."

You know, if we all wore some kind of masks then know one could misunderstand what was on my face or take it upon themselves to change my disposition. Even so, why do people, usually women, take it upon themselves to re-engineer my disposition. Just so happened that I was quite tired, and felt like sitting and eating by myself.

Next, I should say something inspiring about how to deal with goof ball neurotypicals such as this. I have nothing wonderful other than ignore and continue on your way. There are goofy neurotypicals like this in every bunch.

Your real friends have taken them time to know and enjoy you as you are regardless of how your face looks. Instead of shouting out how they are going to change your disposition they'll take the time to ask, "How are you doing?" Real friends will ask that question and mean it.

Adam

Watch My Mouth!

I sat through a two day training on Microsoft Access at New Horizons Computer Training Center. It was actually quite useful really. That said, I realized that could understand what the teacher was saying when I watched his mouth.

At times I would work on other things, wright down notes and ideas, or edit a working data base that I need at my job. However, I found that if I really wanted to catch and understand each word (and what they meant together) it was best to watch his mouth.

That brings me back to the phenomenon of sensory scrambling.

I'm guessing that the visual reinforcement of the mouth movements reinforces the auditory input, especially sense some of the auditory and visual stimulus is being mixed up. By locking them together (watching a persons mouth), it essentially defeats the effects of scrambling.

Over the years, I've made an effort not to watch peoples mouths while they talk, because neurotypicals don't expect that kind of behavior. I have a routine that I follow of eye contact for a few second, look at mouth, look back at eyes, look away, look down, repeat. People then feel like they are having a normal conversation instead of being "drilled" with my eyes in one spot.

That said, in a class situation, I'm just going to get the most out of it that I can and watch the teachers mouth.

Adam

Sleaping Through Transitions

My wife has always remarked that I have this habbit of taking a major nap right after a transition. It used to be that whenever we would make the drive to her parents house, I would then take some major naps over the next day or so. After 15 years of marriage, I don't do that as much any more.

After the last Sojourn concert, I took a nap, and then was in bed by 7 or 8pm.

I believe that it is part of the Aspie thought process, the way our minds work. Several things may be happening.

1. Is the sensory integration disorder part of Asperger. Because major changes bring in numerous changes in my paridgm, then I need extra brain power to integrate all the new data points into my paridgm or grid of life.

2. Also, sense Aspies think in images (pictures), then perhaps the Aspie brain is building new maps or re mapping the week ahead based on what has changed.

Better to shut down cognitive systems (i.e. go to sleep), and let the subcognitive do its background work.

Many Aspies may not be able to tell you how they feel about certain changes. I do feel a certain sense of loss over quiting Sojourn. Just as much I feel a sense of confusion. Sojourn is part of the fabric of who I am. It is a primary key in my relational database. It requires a major restructuring of what I believe about who I am.

So, while I sleep, a part of my brain is re-building data structures so that I can live a predicatable and well ordered life. In this case it will take a while.

I bet that's not how the neuro-typical world handles change.

Adam

Please, Join Me In Welcoming . . .

"Please join me in welcoming . . ." I get these e-mails with some regularity and they are often for high level employees.

I asked some one, "From your experience, they don’t really want us to “welcome” these top level people do they? I’m guessing it’s just a happy phrase not requiring a response. ?"

My wise coworker replied with, "Yep – just a happy phrase. I think it also implies supporting that person in their role."

I’m always so tempted to actually send an e-mail welcoming the person when they say, “Please join me in welcoming . . ." Now, when they ask us to welcome the new CEO and support him in his new role. . . Well, I have some thoughts/suggestions!

I should swing by for lunch.

Adam